War of the Worlds?

It was a quiet day for this small community.

A flash of lightning stunned everyone as this giant thing stood up and eclipsed the sun. A loud and scary buzz sounded after which, two weapons with nozzles came out. One was red, the other was green.

Instant chaos.

The giant thing with the two mysterious weapons wiped out almost the entire community. Some tried to run but they were hunted down. Some escaped into the woods. Most were unlucky.

A scene from War of the Worlds?

Nope. It was me towering over a small roach community outside our house with a can of Baygon on my left hand and a can of Raid on my right. Poor guys never stood a chance.

I don't care of you're their version of Tom Cruise, Mr Cuca. We can call it even.

What the heck am I talking about?!? Read this for part 1: http://arnoldrocks.blogspot.com/2007/01/arn-and-la-cucaracha.html

My Year 2007 Resolutions between the lines

Money has been one of my problems last year and the year before that and the year before before that and the year before before before that. I’ll try to set aside money for a brand new PSP that would probably corrupt my future

Last year, I played only one sport, tennis ,actually two if you count the cologne I bought from the Polo store. I will be more active and play more basketball even on weekdays on my Playstation 2.

I will lose weight by adjusting the weighing scale such that it starts at negative 25. I will eat healthier food, by healthier I meant more and take care of my SUV type body better.

I will travel the world and see famous places and landmarks here and in other countries through Google Earth.

I will not only curse but will also scream at the elevators that are slower than service over at BPI every morning ,lunch and night.

Instead of working on my SQL scripts and documentations, I will update my blog more during office hours.

I will at least attempt be a better driver. I will be kind enough to taxi and jeepney drivers to give them a one minute head start before I hunt them down along C5. I won’t stop constantly shouting to annoy truck drivers. I will obey all of the non-existent or poorly implemented traffic rules.

I will contact my friends abroad more than Citibank contacts me to get a credit card.

I will correct things that are out of place like Manny Pacquiao in movies. I will write one song that doesn’t involve food that would express the way I feel towards my hatred of certain things that poison my personal current events. I will rid my mind of any foolish ideas like, say, Richard Gomez’s decision to run for office.

I will lie on my bed all weekend and wait for the last minute before I study for my certification exams. My project team will be a huge success despite the issues encountered because of me

At the end of the year, I will be an even better meaning fatter man.

Thoughts on Nata De Coco

Nata De Coco.

... The product originates from the Philippines. wow! proudly Philippine produced! PPP!

...chewy, translucent, jelly-like food product produced by the bacterial fermentation of coconut water. Bacteria pala siya?

... most commonly sweetened as a candy or dessert, and can accompany many things including pickles, drinks, ice cream, and fruit mixes. pickles?!?

... "Nata de coco" comes from Spanish "Cream of Coconut". It originated from the Philippines but we gave it a Spanish name

... Cream in this sense means the fat from the coconut milk. So it's really processed fat?

... is highly regarded for its high dietary fiber and its zero fat and cholesterol content. How ironic, it's made of fat but it is zero fat?

... No preservatives or other chemicals are added to Nata de coco. so it's naturally yucky?

... Commercial nata de coco is made by small farmers in the Philippines. like oompa loompas?

... It requires a strong "glacial" acetic acid, however, and spillage of this ingredient will make the topsoil acidic. but we ingest it?

Some components of Nata De Coco:
N (c) 2 (11) 3
Ash 0.5 g 88.5
Moisture (Water) 84.4 g 45
Energy 61 kcal (255 kJ) 2.0
Protein 50 g** 0.7
Salt 45 g ** 3.5
Fat 65 g** 7.6
Total available carbohydrates include FIBTG 300 g** -
Silicon
Calcium (Ca) Milligram 800 58
Phosphorus (P) 800 mg 53
Iron (Fe) 15 mg -
Potassium (K) 3500 mg -
Monosodium glutamate (MSG) -
Copper (Cu) 2 mg -
Zinc (Zn) 15 mg -

Actually I made up three of them :P Can you name it?

The C5 Incident

It was the usual 9pm traffic - half of it are people coming home late from the office the other half are now my new number 1 enemy on the road

(1) Truck drivers who think they're driving a Kia Pride
(2) EDSA buses who don't get it that that train-like thing running above them is the reason their passenger volume is low. No not you G-Liners... we're cool. Read more from Rogeena's blog.
(3) Patrolman Durugas, the crocodile hunter (He's a crocodile and a hunter... nocturnal na, amphibous pa) over at EDSA/Ortigas.
(4) Jeepney drivers for well documented reasons.
(5) FX drivers for being upgraded clones of jeepney drivers (faster and a lot more rude)
(6) Motorcycle drivers who snake through a slow traffic

I was stuck in traffic last night. My window was open, I was singing (or shouting) "Welcome to the Black Parade" by My Chemical Romance, I had my elbow on the door then I hit my elbow on something... something hard... something metal.

The front bumper of a ten-wheeler truck?!?

This crazy-ass driver was cut into my lane while I was still in it. I gave him a full 10 second horn buzz and drove forward to avoid further damage. I pulled over to the side to avoid traffic and checked the damage. Ugh, a long scratch that dented my rear side door and a huge gash on my rims. The truck then disappeared in the mad mix of other trucks along C5. Well, I wasn't going after him anyway.

Flashback to a few years ago, a cab driver rammed into my rear door. This one had an even worse damage since my door was completely crumpled. I sued his ass. They required that I send him a picture of the damage. I sent him one with me on it flipping the bird. The total damage cost a lot but still it really wasn't worth all the trouble. It took over two years for the courts to process everthing. The driver counter charged and say that I bumped into him (which would mean he was parked on the center of the road and I made a 270 degree turn to bump him?). They checked the pictures of the damage (I had to edit myself out of the picture) and ruled against the cab driver (and laughed at his counter charge... First time I heard a judge say "haller"). What an experience that time. Interesting? Very. Fun? Kinda. Worth it? Not one bit. I didn't continue with it anymore. Such a waste of time. I gave him the pic and a 5-minute shouting bit... that was enough.

And so I wasn't really going after the truck driver this time. What's THAT going to accomplish me?

I was more concerned about the dent. Everything was still functional so it's good. The scratch can be rubbed and waxed off. Nothing I can do about the chipped paint and the dent though. The rim damage was bad.

Lastly, it was weird that I wasn't enraged when this happened. Usually, if a bird flies over and pooped on my car, I would follow it with a plate of chicken Inasal and tell him "Isa pa pare, subukan mo lang". Last night, I was just a tad upset but more on because it made me late for dinner. So much hate I've already let go...

so so much...

The Action Junkie

I was driving at around 1am last night (or this morning) when I got caught in a major traffic jam. A traffic jam at 1am?!? I would think it was either a ten wheeler truck crashed and blocked the entire road or they're having a swimsuit photo shoot somewhere. Nope, it was neither. After 30 minutes I found myself at the end of a slooooooow and thorough checkpoint. It was like the full body cavity search version for cars. I stepped out, they checked and found nothing. THey asked me to pop the trunk.

Suddenly, at the opposite lane, this car came speeding, screeching and crashing into a stop sign. Two police officers drew out their rifles and ran towards it. The other four drew out their hand guns and followed.

(Brain to Arn: Grab a weapon, any weapon, quick!!!)

I checked my car for any possible weapons and grabbed the one and only "deadly" weapon tucked beside the driver's seat. So it was 2 policemen with rifles, 4 with handguns behind them, and myself behind them all...

with nunchucks.

Hey it's the only available weapon I had. I don't keep a balisong (something like a Filipino switchblade) in my car ashtray anymore.

They asked the dude in the crashed car to step out. Guns were drawn. I was still behind with my nunchucks. I wasn't in the ready position though ('coz that would look reaaaaally stupid). I had it tucked in my left arm while standing straight up... as if I know how to use it. I looked like the body guard of a great Japanese crime lord in movies. The one who just stands there with no emotion but he ends up being the best fighter (who the hero will beat up at the end of the movie).

Hey, if the guy in the car comes out with a bulletproof vest and start charging at us, the six of you can shoot him all night. I'll beat him senseless.

Then it dawned on me. Six cops were on the crash site. None were in the checkpoint (where cars were now madly honking their horns). I took a few steps back, jumped into my car and sped off thinking "Why the heck did I follow those officers in the first place?".

I think it was the coffee I had before leaving the office. I think it was from watching too many action movies (I watched Doom last Sunday). I think it was from watching too many Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

I think it's all of the above.

Arn and La Cucaracha

While walking to my room one day, a roach came out of nowhere and stopped in front of me as if challenging me to a duel. This wasn’t any of those sissy roaches. It was like the grand daddy of roaches with big wings and fangs (ok, I made that last thing up).

After a long pause and stare, I thought about wacking him with my slippers. I slowly grabbed my slipper and took a few steps forward. La cucaracha didn’t even budge as if telling me “You wouldn’t dare”. He’s right, I wouldn’t… why?

1) These are original Reefs.
2) His cousins are somewhere watching and would swear revenge against me.
3) It would make a mess.
4) Wacking roaches with slippers is like so 1970’s. (The 2007 way would be to write them on your blog… like what I’m doing right now)

Ok McGyver, how do you kill it without squishing him?

The rules are simple. You can’t leave the area since that means I’m running away and mister cuca there will escape and tell his friends that that fat dude is a big wimp. I was in the hallway so I can’t run to the yard and grab a broom. You must only the things that are within an arm’s reach. A Baygon would have been perfect but it’s somewhere outside. I had to use something else...

A candle and a match. Burn him? He’s no witch.

Dental floss. Hang him? If ever he was a dictator I’m sure he wasn’t that bad.

A whiteboard marker. Yea… draw a moustache on his face. That should scare him off.

Scissors. Just like a horror movie. I could tie his legs with the dental floss and leave the scissors there. Oh, you haven’t watched “Saw”?

Toothpicks. Give us one each and see us duel to the death. I’m sure he would protest once he realizes toothpicks can’t penetrate through my layers and layers of fat.

A USB flash drive (which belongs to dad). It uses USB 2.0 technology… not sure if it’s compatible with this specie of roaches.

A box of audio CD’s. The most sinister one is Jose Mari Chan’s. I’m sure after playing “Beautiful Girl” for the 26th time he’ll commit suicide.

A box of tissues, car keys, a calculator, a pile of bills and mail, figurines, yeesh… all worthless.

A few feet away was a can of… BAYGO… oh wait it’s Glade. Well, it looks like a can of Baygon. What does Glade do to roaches anyway? I took the can, moved slowly and sprayed it directly at him.

He ran a few feet towards the living room and disappeared under one of our old tables. So much for Arn the Cucaracha Slayer. Now we have a ticked off roach on the loose around the house that smells like a bouquet of flowers.

Celebrating 2006

“Me.”

That was my theme for 2006.

It does sound selfish but on December 2005, I felt that in order for me to move on I must start with myself. The previous years were rough and I end up living life one day at a time. I said to myself that 2006 will be my year. The year when I look ahead, I fix things and I do the one thing that summarizes the entire 2006 - getting the monkeys off my back.

2005, I had to walk away from two things that brought meaning to my life. I officially went into rebuilding mode. 2005 was about people telling me I couldn’t accomplish much, that I was nothing and was treated like dirt. 2005 really bombed.

Conversely, 2006 was probably the best year I’ve had in my life. It’s like that one magical day in your life when all (and I mean ALL) things in your “today’s to do list:” are checked. 2006 is the happiest and most successful year I had and it didn’t have anything to do with the word “comeback”. It was the year when I proved my 2005 demons wrong.

2006 was a blast and as I counted down the seconds of the year to the drum beats beside Manila Bay waiting for the fireworks, I can’t help but smile and pat myself on the back for a job well done.

Of course, this wouldn’t have been possible without the help of you guys - from the person who takes care of me, my family who supported me, my friends who looked out for me, my “kids”, my Chicago family (2 of which are here already) and to everyone who frequents this blog. Thanks for reading and laughing with me.

Arn's Mailbag! (part 1)

Feeling celebrity! :P Anyways, thanks for sending me mail. I kinda had to rephrase some of the questions (and delete some that wouldn’t be appropriate to answer here).

Why not take cooking classes?

Because I’m a Jedi cook. I cook by instinct and not by the book (let the force flooooow). True, I print some recipes and shop for the ingredients then I follow step 1 then end up making up the rest of the steps. Also, I don’t measure. I’ll end up wasting time and money. I might as well take ballet lessons right?

Besides, cooking to me is more about having fun than eating. I burn or mess up 78% of the food I cook but I have fun all the time.

...more cooking entries!

sure!

Hey Arn! Why do you call Liza “Bianca”? She’s cute. Is she seeing someone?

Bianca on the left, Liza on the right.

That's a dead ringer if you ask me.

I fired that question for you straight up to Liza one day and it resulted into a rather lengthy interview. Anyways, don’t you think it’s a lot more fun if you figure that out from her blog? :)

Who’s Patch?

Someone from the company. She hosted the party and… that’s all I know actually.

How come you’re bald in your banner?

That was taken almost two years ago. I was thinking of changing it but I guess I still like my old emoti-arn pictures.

How’s Gezelle? Is she seeing someone?

She’s fine. I don’t think so but if you wanna go out with her you better fall in line. Visit Ge’s blog for more Gezelle news.

(and to answer your third question… nope.)

The other questions... I'll answer in future posts. :) For now, just keep on sending :)

The Other Company Christmas Party

The second of three company Christmas parties this year. This was the main company christmas party held at the World Trade Center with the theme: 12 Acts of Christmas (which meant there will be 12 presentations). With this, I have my 12 thoughts...

1. The registration process was just brutal. I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to get stubs and a glow stick. It’s somehow ironic that we're a company that specializes in high tech solutions to situations like these. It’s like a McDonald’s company Christmas party running out of food or San Miguel's running out of beer.
   
2. If the registration line was brutal, the buffet line was just deadly. Jaye and I first lined up at this table only to be told that these were reserved for the “committee”. We switched lines. Sometime near the end of the party, I passed by the same table while getting drinks and saw all the food still “reserved” and colder than satan's heart.
   
3. Come on. We’re not stupid. No one is going to fall for that.
   
   
   
   
   
4. The buffet spread was better than the first party. Buffets should always have breaded fish and tartar sauce. Always.
   
5. My theory for selecting the host: either get an excellent host from the TV/radio circles or get some from the company. The expectations for a host outside the company just increases exponentially. JM Rodriguez is good, not great. Patch was great. I still would go for my own male and female host selections.
   
6. There were too many fire exit reminders. Are they expecting a bomb attack?
   
   oh by the way, this is just creepy
   
   
   
7. There is a lot of talent in this company. Singing, dancing, hosting… you name it.
   
8. Imago’s Aia de Leon rocks. Just please please please please don’t rename your band to “Aia de Leon”.
   
9. The raffle prizes were better than cool! For the 4th straight year I didn’t win (but Jaye won an Italianni’s GC!). The grand prizes were two Macbooks, two Samsung 32” LCD TVs and 4 business class tickets to the US! The major prizes were assorted high priced gadgets.
   
10. Passage is a great band but not in the main highlight kind of way. They make you sing and dance with them but after their number, you sit down and ask “who’s up next?”.
    
11. Imago’s done. Passage’s done. On to the main highlight of the night!!! Who is it?!? It’s none other than DJ GLEN PONCE!!!!!!!!!!
    
    … (cricket sounds)
    
    Who?
    
    Come on now. My name has more hits in Google (try it) than this dude (though only of one is really me). It’s always bad when your featured main highlight of the night is greeted with “who the heck is that?”
    
    Wait, before sending your hate mail, I’m not trying to diss the fella. I heard the first part of his work and I think it’s good (though I don’t know good club music from the bad ones). Read on to number 12…
    
12. They introduced DJ Glen and the crowd didn’t know how to react. If it was Rivermaya, they would have ran to the stage and tackled Rico Blanco. DJ Glen grabs the mic and talks with his black dude accent – like John Cena and Carlos Agassi. After some time, most of the people stood up and… upon hearing that no additional prizes will be raffled off, started leaving. It was only 10pm and people were walking away while muttering either they had to work tomorrow or they had to take a call or something.
    
    Even I would have figured that out. The main highlight should be:
    1) Either a band or a solo artist who’s really really good
    2) Currently famous (no washed up bands please)
    3) Has at least 1 song in the charts
    
    While I assume DJ Glen is famous in the clubbing circles, let’s face it, the crowd is a live band type of crowd. Did anyone go to the company’s “House Party” event (which was a dance competition and club music event)? I think there were more people who went to the Eddie Gil concert.
    
    He’s good… but a bad fit. My selection? I would go for a soothing singer or a loud and wacky band.

Oh, you can send all hate mails to --> arnoldrocks@gmail.com

The Company Christmas Party

One of three company Christmas parties this year – a welcome change from the zero I attended last year since I was heaving snow at that time somewhere in La Salle Drive.

Getting there was a piece of cake thanks to my navigator (hi honey) and my uncanny ability to chase down buses. We first got lost in Makati’s one way street maze but saw one of the company’s buses which we followed all the way to Malate.

The place was simple and it passed my number 1 criteria for judging a place – parking. We were able to park as soon as we arrived. The stage was great, the lights and sounds were excellent

meet my team! Ferds, Moi, Mags and Al

Jaye and me

Liza and Edward kicked off the show. It was like Bianca Gonzalez and… Edward. They presented clips from the company’s American Idol-type contest from a few months ago.

Next up was some band. They were good… in a boring kind of way. Think Tim Duncan good.

Ah… the food! The buffet tables were filled and everyone started lining up. Normally I would use all my basketball skills (hawi, box-out and other panggugulang) to my advantage but decided not to since I was right in front of the big bosses table. The line was so long and slow, turn off the air conditioning and I would believe this was a government office. Jaye and I were already starving at that time. When we reached the table, the food was almost gone and we ended up with 2 small potato balls, tuna on a cucumber and some leaves with dressing (sorry, THAT didn’t qualify as a salad). I tried sweet talking myself to more servings and Jaye and I ended up with an extra potato ball. Wow.

The food was terrible. Potato balls tasted like failed cooking experiments. I couldn’t even drown it in tartar sauce since there weren’t any. The tuna tasted like how it was called – tuna on a cucumber. At least the leaves were fresh.

looks like a side order to me...

While eating, they brought out the host for the evening. It was some guy in drag, I didn’t know him/her but they say he/she is famous in local shows. Vice Ganda? Never heard of him/her but he/she was a natural - entertaining, witty and had the ability to turn a boring moment into a laughing spree.

Estrogen laced stage

One hot topic about it was the jokes he/she made while hosting. Some were inappropriate, either too mean or too green. I think it was ok for me since he/she doesn’t really represent the company and it was a good change of pace compared to the endless office jokes we have. Let’s face it, he/she pulled it off because of how he/she is. Imagine if Edward was there firing the jokes vice made… oh, I have a crowbar in my car.

First presentation was a dance medley. They looked good but the CD skipped and skipped and the group had problems readjusting to the beat. The whole number ended with more men in drag. They danced good and they look like they were enjoying themselves which is one of the true meanings of the season… (yea it was obvious I wrote something else here but changed it right before posting this entry hehehe).

yes they're dancing

There was another presentation that looked like it was pulled from Who’s Line Is It Anyway. It was a short skit but replayed over and over with some new twists. The first one was the normal version, then the “with feelings” version, then the gay version which obviously the crowd loved the best (especially the cops with the guns).

It’s funny how Filipinos view gay people and the gay way of life. The skit was brought down by poor microphone pickup. You could only see people walking left and right the stage shouting something and everyone in the audience trying to figure out what they were saying.

The last was the “people in black with white gloves against a blue light” presentation (which won by the way). It was good despite the long setup time, technical difficulties during the show and slow transitions from one image to another (it was like downloading images using dial up connection). Sorry, but I honestly hated this. No no no the performance was good. It’s just that I was in a Christmas party before and Jose Mari Chan’s “Christmas In Our Hearts” was played over and over and over and over again and hearing just one line out of it is just plain torture.

CIO: Christmas In Office

There was also a fashion show but for some reason I couldn’t concentrate because clips from Zoolander was playing in my mind.

Jaye told me I looked better than all of them and she gave me that “yup, really” look. I bet you if I took off my shirt and made my way to the catwalk she would’ve tackled me. It’s always a welcome feeling to be appreciated. (thanks honey!)

I saw one of the male models off stage and gave him a “sorry pare, but she prefers me” look. He smiled and I think a different message was relayed.

Additional food arrived. Jaye and I had extra servings of the same dishes – only bigger in quantity and a lot lot colder. Yuk.

The show was over and the main attraction was here – Parokya ni Edgar! I’ve never watched them live before. The performance was entertaining from start to finish and Chito kept it interactive, people would shout all song titles and they would just play. The best song they played? The Day You Said Goodnight ;)

Jaye and me with Parokya in the background

Jaye, Chito and me

The night was terrific. Let’s be honest, I’ve heard parties like these that bombed before. The presentations were so-so, the food was terrible, the fashion show was good, the host was good and Parokya was perfect. Summarizing the whole experience, it was a blast. My neverfail test for this? I arrived to the office the next day and the first person I saw told me “mabilis lang pare, parang kagat lang ng langgam.” – one of the hundred new inside jokes in the company.

TV or Not TV

(ugh, what a corny title but after writing it I couldn't think of anything else... anyways...)

After work, Jaye and I dropped by Glorietta to (1) canvas for a 5K 14 inch TV, (2) do grocery and (3) buy a gc at Nike.

We first dropped by Ansons where we scouted for TVs. I’ll be honest, I know almost nothing about TV features other that it being cable-ready or not. We first checked the no brand name section – cheap but feature packed units. Next we went to the branded section (JVC, Samsung, etc) where they have units with the same price but less features. We walked around the Sony section (Sony had it’s own area!?) and Jaye saw me laughing. I was walking around and pointing at the price tags… never thought Sony TV’s were this expensive. It was that kind of laugh but no of the "ha ha" variety… it was more like, "holy crap! it costs that much?!?"

Scouting was over and we were thinking about this one set that was reasonable but was over our budget and wasn’t the size we were looking for. We went to Landmark to do our groceries. Jaye and I share plenty of similarities, one of which is – we hate crowds and lines. We saw the people over at Landmark and aborted the grocery trip in a snap. Next was Nike where we bought a GC.

Sorry, I really can’t think of anything funny that happened over at Nike. What a boring store. I think it’s really because we couldn’t get the TV out of our heads. We were now computing how much the TV would cost, what it would take to buy it (what do we give up), where will we place it, etc… We went back to Ansons and ended up purchasing the 21 inch TV. It looked cool, really. The only problem now was where to put it on. The TV didn’t come with a free TV rack like the other flat screen versions. The TV rack wasn’t in our budget and we were now thinking of alternative McGyver-like alternatives. They brought out the new set, pulled it out of the box, turned the box over and before they could set the TV on top of the box, I looked at Jaye with a smirk, Jaye looked back with the same smile and gave me a "problem solved" high five. It was funny how we think the same.

The guy was now blabbering stuff about the TV, features, specs etc and the way he was saying it, it was obvious he memorized those from the manual. Jaye asked what the other differences are between the 14inch model and the 21inch model. The guy was quick to answer…

“ay marami ho m’am, pag 21 inch ho, mas malaki ang screen kaysa 14 inch. Tapos po mas malaki yung mga objects sa screen kaya di nyo na po kailangan tignan ng maigi.”

(for my EOP and foreign friends... read with a tagalog accent: “der are plenty op difrences m’am, da 21 inch model has a bigger scrin dan da 14 inch one. Da objects are bigger also and so you don’t have to look closer”)

Really? I never thought of that…

We completed the purchase and they carried the set over to my car. When we got home, I pulled out the TV set from the car (by myself), carried the TV to the room (by myself) and acted really macho and manly (trying to impress Jaye) then had to wince in pain, hold my back and say as quietly as possible “ooooooowwwwww” (while Jaye wasn’t looking).

The first TV set we bought… one of so many fun things just waiting to happen =)

Cooking with Arnold VI

Life is like a batch of pancakes, you’ll never know what you’ll end up with.

Let’s see, I bought the easy mix batter. Add water with the powder mix and you have instant batter! No, I didn't mess that up. I used to play around in construction sites when I was a kid and i watched those workers mix cement. I took out a skillet, turned up the heat and away we go...

Attempt #1

I heated the pan, poured the batter mix and heard an unexpected sizzle - the only type you hear with sisig on a hot plate – a loud and angry hiss. I turned around, grabbed a turner (that’s what you call that spatula like thingie right?), grabbed a serving plate, turned around again.

And it was gone…

Pancake 1 evaporated.

My dog barked twice as if to tell me "too hot bruh" (yea he's from the ghetto).

Attempt #2

I lowered the heat, added a little more powder mix and poured it on the barely hot skillet. 2 minutes passed and it still looked the same, I went inside and watched “Mr and Mrs Smith” at Star Movies for a few minutes. Went back to the kitchen, grabbed the turner, and flipped the pancake. Let’s see, ¼ of the pancake stayed stuck, ¼ went flying off the skillet, ¼ was shredded, ¼ was successfully turned (and eventually shredded). The pancake was too big (It was the same size of the skillet) and it didn’t cook evenly.

at least it wasn't burned.

Attempt #3

Ok. In comes the butter then came a small portion of batter (same size as the burger patties at Jollibee). I went inside and watched the car chase scene. I went back to the office and Arn the Arsonist strikes again. I scraped it off the skillet and threw away the nasty hockey pucks.

ARNsonist? yea I thought of it too...

Attempt #4

Same as the third attempt but no more watching Angelina Jolie shoot bad guys. Ok fine I still watched but from a distance where I was still able to keep an eye on my hotcakes. Tried to flip it and… hey it didn’t stick! The bottom was… black but not charred. This thing was actually edible!

it's not burned, it's camouflaged.

Attempt #5

The obvious game plan – drown it in butter. In goes a tablespoon of butter and the batter. Finally, some successful pancakes! I was able to cook 6 more of these.

there's butter everywhere!

I brought it to the office for breakfast. Mags ate one and drowned it in maple syrup.

“Isa pa, Mags?”
“ay no na diet ako e.”

How come everything I cook makes people wanna go on a (and stick on a) diet all of a sudden..

Perils of a Fat Man - Addl

I just had to add this...

I went to the men's room and two urinals automatically flushed...

:-/

Perils of a Fat Man

• At KFC, everytime I order something (eg. 2 piece ChickenJoy) , I’m immediately asked “How many extra rice sir?”.
• At Jollibee in C5, I just ordered the cheeseburger meal. I was asked “How many sir?”
• At the Potato Corner here in the 12th floor of GT, I’m still a few feet away from the shop and the lady already prepares the “jumbo” sized container (but has no idea what flavor I’ll be getting). Actually when I enter that area where Potato Corner, the Empanada booth, popcorn and Greenwich pizza are located, everyone is initially sitting in this table chatting (since business is slow) then they see me and everyone goes back to their booths with the potato corner lady frying up a new batch even before I order.
• At home, after I confirm to my mom that I’ll be eating at home, the amount of food is doubled (or even tripled).
• Every Christmas, I always get the same funny gifts –-> medium sized shirts. I would try on the shirts the next day and my brother would roll around laughing.
• Everytime my family orders out at Don Henrico’s, they would order the buffalo wings and the shrimp pasta. My mom, my dad and my brother would all share the pasta (and just the pasta).
• Pizza huts calls every week and ask if I want to order something.
• Pizza hut actually refused to renew my Palm card (It’s that Pizza Hut card worth around 200 pesos that entitles me an extra pizza everytime I buy one). My brother bought one for me and I ordered pizza. I’m may be fat but I’m not dumb.
• I bought lots of shirts that was one size smaller hoping that this would push me to lose weight. They’re still there in my cabinet… with the tags.
• I was shopping for a long sleeved shirt. I picked one up, asked the lady if they have one of this in my size and she immediately hands me an XXL sized one.
• At Old Navy, I was asked if the shirt i picked out was available in small (obviously it wasn't for me). The girl walked away with a smirk.
• Before posting this, I went downstairs and ordered fries. “How many sir?”

:-/

Chickens, Complaints and 25 Lost Minutes

It takes me 25 minutes to watch a TV show or run to the grocery and back to buy something or to run from Navy Pier to the North Ave beach. 25 minutes away from home going to the office means I’m somewhere already somewhere in C5 (unless it’s rush hour). 25 minutes to cook 12.5 bags of microwavable popcorn. 25 minutes is what it feels like when waiting for the elevator at GT. 25 Minutes is also a song by Michael Learns to Rock which I really hate but that’s not where I’m getting at.

Try 25 minutes in line in this drive through joint. I won’t name the place and the branch to show that I’m not bitter. Factor in hunger and stress from work and that 25 waiting minutes will feel like an hour.

Anyways, I was at the drive through of KFC in Libis (oops, it slipped). I pull into the single lane alley and there were 3 cars in front of me. Not bad right? 3 people in front of you in a line shouldn’t take long. After 25 minutes of waiting and grumbling finally I was at the order window. I asked why it took them 10 minutes to fulfill orders to which they explained that it’s taking them that long because everything is made to order. Made to order? I ordered a box of their KFC hotshots (it’s like these small spicy chicken tenders) and I was told to wait 10 minutes because they still had to cook it. Why? Were you surprised I ordered deep fried chicken? From Kentucky Fried Chicken? You think the car behind me will order Filet mignon and lobster bisque?

I stared at the KFC menu and thought… but everything is really deep fried. Put barbecue sauce on it and they call it chicken barbecue. Put orange sauce on it and it’s orange chicken. Put soy sauce, sugar and ginger and its chicken tempura. Drop it in lugaw and it’s arroz caldo. Get the point? They can gather up all the overcooked chicken pieces, shred it, put it in a sizzling plate, drown it in gravy, crack an egg on top and call it KFC-sig. I’m one of the worst cooks in history but I think I know what KFC’s base ingredient in their menu.

I got myself a 2 piece instead. One was all bones and the other was smaller than the paper wrapped cup of rice.

Timed it: 1 minute, 17 seconds and so ends one of the worst dinner experiences I had. I chopped up onions, opened a can of corned beef and had corned beef with burnt onions for my real dinner… and oh, a cup of gravy.

The Past Month

Let's see if I can summarize everything that happened for the past month in one paragraph...

We deployed the reporting application I helped develop thus marking the assignment a huge huge huge success. I turned down something people would kill for - an onshore extension. I had three going away parties - one early one from She, Sha, Lei, Lorna, Mike and Jhon with my favorite choco cake from Jewel, one from all the onshore people and another one again from She and company. I cried when they sprung my first surprise. I cried even more when they sprung their third, wherein they prepared a very touching video. In one day I managed to stuff everything in the apartment into one box. The box was bursting but was literally covered in gray duct tape. Ria and RJ drove me out... really nice of them (thanks Ri!). My first day back, Jaye presented me another touching thank you and congrats video from everyone... literally - everyone in Chicago, my team, my friends and everyone in Manila. I stunned her back with my Chicago surprise - the Debbie project :P. I was surprised to see how expensive everything now especially food and fuel. My knee got worse and my plantar fasciitis got more unbearable, I really need to see a doctor. I scored 11 points in my comeback game and my first shot was a stepback fadeaway three pointer which swished - vintage :P. That was followed by a floater then 7 bricks. I still have no lateral movement. I got myself new eyeglasses. I had the suspension of my car replaced and I had to wait for almost 30 minutes just for them to swipe my card because Vince Hizon was there and all the receptionists were having their picture taken. My receipt from that shop says "Customer Name: Vince Hizon"... hmmm... I was mistaken for Vince Hizon... happens all the time. I got my license renewed. After shattering my camera, I got myself a new one after some quick accounting clearances and financial plan changes.

wow! :P

Oops, I Did It Again

Arn cooks... Arn burns!!!

Yup! The great iron chef (Iron Chef Tostado) does it again. Yes yes, he has burned so many things already in both Sterling and Oakwood apartment kitchens but the Sultan of Sunog does it again with his second culinary masterpiece...

"attempted pizza"

The instructions said "preheat oven, remove plastic and place in oven for 20 minutes". I preheated the oven, removed the plastic, placed the pizza in the oven and more than 20 minutes later, there laid in front of me the monstrosity that was Burnt Pizza. Joyce will kill me for desacrating a Red Baron 4 Cheese Pizza. Sha, She and Lei were all kind enough to grab a slice, take a bite (and it sounded like someone was eating chips) and tell me "No Arn, it's not THAT burnt"

Yeah right. Like the ocean is not THAT wet.

Besides, I'm sure the pizza will passed my test for burnt food -- grab a slice, use it to knock on your flatmate's door. It he/she answers, you're screwed.

As ironic as it sounds, I've never tripped the smoke alarm... ever. I guess I'm fast in opening windows. As always, I ask... "Bakit iba itsura sa box?"

ok ok ... all together now... "COZ YOU BURNED IT STUPID"

Oh, what's my first culinary masterpiece? Burnt rice... through a rice cooker!

"How can someone burn rice from a kitchen appliance that was designed never to burn rice?!?"

It's called talent. pure talent.

Of Customer Services

I dropped by the Guitar Center along Halsted to buy some light GHS guitar strings. The guy who assisted me was this long haired, unshaven rocker looking dude and he was like "yo dude, these strings kick serious ass, this will do you good." using a surfer accent. Think... Michaelangelo from the Ninja Turtles.

On my way home, I dropped by Best Buy to buy a spindle of CD-R's. The guy who assisted me was this curly haired, short, thin, pimples and a pair of glasses. I asked about which laptop brand is the best and he was like "hmmmm... the Dells are ok but beware of the Windows blue screen... you can actually opt to get some Satellites
for Toshiba then you can just upgrade the RAM so you can maximize the performance of the new Core 2 Duo processor" in a veeeeery geeky tone. I also dropped by the camera section and it was another long haired dude but this time in a ponytail and a goatee who was telling me more stuff about photography.

I hate to stereotype people but they really did belong to whatever job they had.

This morning, I called Northwest and asked about luggage details and this guy had the old low monotone pilot voice. Now that freaked me out.

By the way, you want a challenge? Try contacting NWA's customer service and ask something about the luggage you'll be "bringing". You dont need any account number of flight details... it's just a general inquiry. In my case I wanted to know how I can bring home my acoustic guitar.

Here's the number --> 1 800 692 6955. Call me up before you do this and I'll cook myself a batch of "Arn Burgers". I'll be done eating and you'll still be on the line :P. 2nd worst customer service ever. 1st is Best Buy (Sorry guys, but your customer service sucks)

Jaye and Arn

He welcomed her to his wacky wacky world.

He promised to make hers as wacky as possible.

Brave girl.

Now the days in the life of this wacko are shared with another future wacko...

http://jayeandarn.multiply.com/

sorry ladies, I'm taken...

sorry guys, I don't swing that way...

Chicago Botanic Garden

Chicago botanic garden, with its world-renowned plant collections and displays, is one of the US' most visited public gardens and a preeminent center for learning and scientific research. The 385-garden features.... oh just read it from their site --> http://www.chicagobotanic.org

It was my second time in this great place. It was the first with friends. My first visit there was part of my first great Chicago tour I named "Arn's Adventures" which was a huge success. The resulting book is in our living room probably under mom's coffee or dad's beer. I didn't have the luxury of people driving me around here and so I learned to move around via buses, trains and plenty of hiking. Anyways, this time I went there with Ria, Shawee and Gezelle. Ria was so kind to pick us up from Oakwood.

This was a huuuuuge garden... like Angelina Jolie's lips. Flowers, plants, fruits, trees, vegetables and everything else that grew from dirt. There are landscapes everywhere! Fountains, gazebos, benches, sculptures. Anywhere you look looks like a post card. The animals there were cool too! There were chipmunks, squirrels, fishes, ducks, insects and all sorts of birds. I saw a wedge of Swans too. I was kinda used to seeing swans with people on their back paddling. In one pond, Gezelle and I were taking pictures of this duck while a kid was throwing fruit loops at it. The fruit loops attracted these big fishes and one just came out from below and bit the duck's butt. I was laughing for a good 20 minutes like a seven year old. I went back to the duck and laughed at it...

"ahahaahahahaha kinagat sa pwet!".

I love my digital camera. I just recently shot my 10,000th picture with it (since the picture numbering has been reset back to 0). I really feel it is one of the best gadgets I had. Then comes Gezelle with her digital SLR camera. It was like I had a slingshot and she had an AK-47. A chipmunk ran by and her camera went rat-at-at-at-at-at with continuous pics. All clear and crisp. All properly zoomed. My camera went "bark" which went down in history as one of the lousiest sound effects you can have for a shutter release. The picture...well, there's this dot on the path that was supposed to be a squirrel but it looked like something that came from a dog. (kaya pala nag bark).
Here's a more detailed comparison.

Here's the duck from my cam

From Gezelle's cam. Parang grad pic!

ahahaahahahaha kinagat sa pwet!

After visiting the garden we dropped by one of my favorite stores in the world. Krispy Kremes!!! :D:D:D This was one of those stores where they actually made the donuts. They closed the only one in downtown I know and the others are just retailers. A devil appeared on my left shoulder and told me to forget about my diet. An angel appeared on my right shoulder and told me the same. Tapos nag apir sila.

We really enjoyed this day. For Ria, for driving us all the way there... a thank you so so so big.

...like Angelina Jolie's lips.

Thanks Ria, really.