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That my friends, is a Segway.
A promo came up for Segway tours and so Jaye and I (and a couple of our Pinoy friends) got some tickets to try it. We couldn’t care less about the tour itself, we just wanted to ride a Segway.
A Segway is a two-wheeled personal transporter which is self-balancing and has a top speed of around 12 miles per hour. It’s three times faster than your average walking speed. Jaye is curious about the self-balancing part since it has two wheels and is structurally unstable. I’m curious about the top speed.
We were at the Segway tour shop on time and the first thing the guides handed out were accident waivers. It was two pages long and requires a ton of signatures. It had all these complex contract terms but basically it’s saying “If you fall off and get hurt, it’s your own stupid fault, now sign here.”.
Next they’re going to scare you about the 37 dollar fee you need to pay in case your Segway gets a flat tire -- Don’t get it. For starters, that just doesn’t make any sense. Why would I need to pay more if your own equipment breaks down?! If I was a photographer covering a wedding and my camera breaks, why would I charge that to the client? The guide goes on by telling you that “yesterday, we had four incidents of flat tires” and recommends that you get the 3 dollar flat tire insurance. Even so, the tires are a little worn but you’ll be riding along pavement the whole day so I doubt you’ll ever get a flat unless you purposely run over a porcupine.
They fit helmets on you then give you your Segway but before you can ride, there’s an hour-long training session on how to use the Segway. We had two guides: one was a pleasant gentleman who was a nice person to talk to, is taking up theater, loves the art museum and took his guy date to this one place (you get the idea). The other guide was an annoying jerk.
The annoying guide tried to be funny while explaining the basic Segway controls and that just made him a lot more annoying.
We had our Segways lined up on the grass during the orientation. Yup, that's a homeless guy. Welcome to Chicago!
When the good guide was teaching me, he saw that I was wearing a Harvard shirt.
Guide: “Wow, you went to Harvard?”,
Me: “Yup!”
Guide: “What did you do there?”
Me: “I bought this shirt.”
Guide: “Haha! Oh I get it! So you just visited.”
Me: “But I really went to M.I.T.”
Guide: “Oh really? How was it?”
Me: “They didn’t have any M.I.T. shirts.”
Guide: “Hahahahaha!”
Then he paused, smiled and looked at me and all I wanted to do was zoom out of there. In an instant, I already knew how to maneuver a Segway.
Riding a Segway is tricky and scary at first since you don’t turn the handlebars and you need to use your body angle to move or stop. Leaning forwards causes it to go forward and leaning backwards causes it to stop. You need to fight this natural tendency to pull the handles to stop and push the handles to move. It’s not like riding a bike or a scooter so first time riders may be shocked at first especially with the ultra-sensitive controls.
They gave us two things to remember:
One, we should not bend our bodies forward such that our tummies are hitting the handlebars. Tummies should not hit the handlebars. Uhhh, good luck to me.
Second, we should always ignore that circle speedometer thing in the handlebars. No one should look at it since it distracts riders. The good guide comes by and repeats that rule to me:
Guide: “That circle thing, from now on, it’s never there, got it?”
Me: “What circle thing?”
Guide: “THAT circle thing! (points at it) From now on, forget about that ok?”
Me: “What circle?
Guide: “THAT ONE! (taps on it) It’s never there ok?”
Me: “I don’t see a circle thing”
Guide: “THIS CIRC… oooh wait, you smartass!”
The good guide then tells us to follow him as we take a tour around Grant Park. I whirred behind Jaye and tapped her on the shoulder. The other guide suddenly appeared beside me and warns me that I shouldn’t pull Jaye because if I did, she would fall backwards and I would then fall backwards and cause all sorts of mess. I was just tapping Jaye. I didn’t pull her. I think he’s just fighting so many lawsuits from customers who fell off before to the point that he’s becoming over protective. I don’t care, he’s still a jerk.
We went around the museum campus with the good guide describing certain landmarks and the annoying guide barking reminders such as “NO PICTURE TAKING WHILE RIDING THE SEGWAY.” and “NOT TOO FAST! NOT TOO FAST!”. It was still bearable at first but when one of the other riders fell off the Segway (he turned too fast, sending him face first to the pavement and giving him a nasty, bloody gash on the cheek), things just went from bad to worse. The guide was now stricter and we made a beeline back to the shop.
Like when someone gets seriously drunk at a party, the fun factor decreases exponentially. Ride a little too fast, they shout. Run over a small rock, they shout. Check the pictures on your camera, they shout. Lose you place in the line, they shout. Sneeze, they shout. You get the idea.
Good thing the tour was about to end anyway. We skipped a couple areas because of all the delays in the training and that “balentong” incident. Was it worth it? Yeah, riding a Segway is such a unique experience and if you’re new to the city, it’s a pretty decent tour… just make sure you get a good guide (and if you do… tip well).
“MagAuaurora kami!!!” is a statement said with a deep sense of happiness. Aurora is the city where the Chicago Premium Outlet mall is located but we call the mall “Aurora” for some reason. For me, it’s the best outlet mall near the Chicago area and here are my 10 good reasons why it rocks:
#1: The Union Station
Unless you’re renting a car, going to Aurora means going to the Union Station to board the train. If you saw “My Best Friend’s Wedding”, the chase part was filmed here. The big, cavernous hall just looks awesome.
…except if you missed the train which leaves right on time. The next train should be leaving in 2 hours which gives you time to watch “My Best Friend’s Wedding” off your iPod.
#2 The BNSF train
It stands for “Burlington Northern Santa Fe” but we call it the “Aurora” train. I have no idea why it’s called Burlington Northern Sante Fe because it doesn’t stop at Burlington, Illinois and there’s no town called Santa Fe here. Travel time is 1 hour 20 minutes and it gives you time to relax and revisit your shopping list.
…except if you’re sharing cars with noisy children or smelly people… or both.
#3 The Mall Layout
For some reason, other outlet malls were built like a skewed “X” (Kenosha) or an “S” (Gurnee Mills Mall) which means there’s a lot of walking back and forth. Aurora is shaped like an “O” which means it’s easy to return to shops you skipped earlier (especially if you’re the type of shopper who compares prices from different stores first before buying anything). It also means you can go around the mall a second time if time permits.
…except that more access to shops means that that ugly, expensive shirt you saw earlier now looks nice and cheap. You end up with more purchases than intended.
#4 Nike
Remember those days when you traced your foot on a piece of paper and send that to your relatives in the US? Yep, that practice is still alive only this time they scan it, post it on Facebook then tag you. Nike is an ultimate pasalubong place if you’re patient enough to browse through all their goods.
…except some of the shirts are made in the Philippines which bears the question, what’s the point?
#5 The Food Court
They have 5 restaurants in the food court: Ranch 1 which is a poor man’s Chick-Fil-A, Villa Fresh Italian Kitchen which is a poor man’s Sbarro, Asian Chao which is a poor man’s Panda Express, Maki of Japan which is a poor man’s Asian Chao and Great Steak which is a poor man’s Quizno’s.
…except you won’t really mind the taste when hunger strikes in the middle of your shopping trip.
#6 Vendo Machines
They have lots of vending machines for drinks and snacks. They have some on each corner of the mall and some hidden ones behind unmarked doors and none of them are overpriced. They also have credit card readers so you can use your credit cards when purchasing these drinks.
…except when the machine asks you to swipe your card five times then displays a cryptic error message making you wonder if the machine placed a hundred dollars on your card for a Pepsi it did not dispense.
#7 Lacoste
If you REALLY want a Lacoste shirt, this is where you buy one. It’s not available in other stores and the Lacoste store in Michigan Ave has virtually no discount whatsoever.
…except when you examine the stuff they have, you have to admit that whoever supplies those stuff at Greenhills did a great job copying these. It’s hard to tell the difference between the fake one and the real one without checking out the tag. Maybe you can just buy the crocodile logo and staple them on your shirts.
#8 Izod / Van Heusen
These stores stack two to three discounts on top of each other, which can really bring down the price (a collared shirt for ~ 5 to 12 dollars). Their shirts are of excellent quality and you can’t have enough of these especially if you wear them to the office.
…except if you suck at math. They may have a 60 dollar shirt that has a 70% discount stacked with a 20% discount and an additional 10% discount. That’s 60 dollars down to 18 dollars down to 14.40 dollars down to 12.96 dollars. Computing all these puts a huge stress on my brain and if you spend too much time in the store, you end up computing everything else. On the way home, I found out that bus 533 discounted is actually bus 373.1.
#9 Aeropostale
You gotta love Aero since it’s a store where you can buy those “pamparami” shirts and pasalubongs. Clothes are decent, the styles are hip and their prices are the lowest among all clothing stores in the mall.
…except if you hate crowds and long lines. Aero has great stock but they’re all over the place. The store is always packed and so be prepared to shop Greenhills style.
#10 The 533 Molitor Bus
This is the bus that takes you from the mall to the train station. It arrives on time and leaves within a minute. It’s probably the place where you get to talk to everyone else on your shopping group for the first time since you arrived.
…except, it has a shorter window which means if you’re late then you need to start improvising on how to make it to the train station on time. It’s like a stressful episode of the Amazing Race.
Worth noting:
Oakley, has a 10% chance every holiday weekend of having a sale on good sunglasses. Yes I checked, none of them is labeled “Oakey” (without the "L")
Starbucks, the only place that has free wi-fi. Oh, and they have coffee too.
BCBGMaxazria, the shop would have been nice if I could pronounce its name.Coach, it’s amazing how long the line is just to enter this shop.
It’s the NFL preseason!!! Star quarterback Jay Cutler!! Super speedy Devin Hester!!! Defensive monsters Brian Urlacher and Julius Peppers!!!
Yep, none of them played… that’s the NFL preseason foryou. It’s like going to a U2 concertwith Bono sitting on a chair on stage playing U2 songs off his iPod.
So why watch an NFL preseason game? Simple:
1 regular season ticket == $130.00
Arn != rich
A couple of hours before the game I was at Marshalls picking up a Bears jersey. I was choosing between a $30 Cutler jersey or a $9 Anderson jersey. Cutler is the starting quarterback for the team. I have no idea who Anderson is buthe’s only 9 bucks so I bought his jersey. I went home and showed it to Jaye.
“Who’s Anderson?”, she asked.
“I dunno… Gerald?”
“Is it safe to wear that? Did he do something to the Bears fans? Why would his jersey be on clearance? Boozer sucks and his jersey is still being sold at 40 dollars!”
I had to Google him up… fast. Yep. Anderson. Mark Anderson. Good rookie player. Released by the Bears last 2009. Played with Houston in 2010. Signed recently with New England. His jersey is on clearance since he’s been gone from the team since 2009.
Ok good. I wore the jersey and showed it to Jaye.
“Is that… see through?”
Apparently it was. Good thing I had another Bears shirt.
We took the red line to Roosevelt then walked a mile to the entrance. It didn’t help that it was 30 C with no wind (for the sake of comparison, the temperature was colder in Manila at 28 C… of course it was raining like crazy but still…)
Almost everyone was wearing a Bears jersey and I was looking around for anyone wearing a #97 Anderson jersey. Nope, none, nada. Jaye told me that no one in his right mind would probably wear an Anderson jersey. I disagreed so we made a bet – we’ll eat somewhere nice depending on the number of people we see wearing an Anderson jersey:
5 people = Fogo De Chao
4 people = Chili’s
3 people = Go Roma
2 people = Portillo’s
We agreed to eat at McDonald’s if we only see one guy with the jersey but I was confident enough that we’ll be eating that night at Fogo (endless steaks!).
When we reached Soldier Field, first thing we bought was a small bottle of Coke for $4.75. That’s two hundred pesos! After paying, my brain automatically played mom’s “MARAMING BATANG NAGUGUTOM” speech I heard oh so many times as a child.
We reached our seats which was probably somewhere in the stratosphere. I had to duck to make sure the weather satellites don’t hit us. Despite the high seats, I’ll admit it’s still a good view. I’m still able to watch the game as well as take this picture of the whole stadium without an ultra-wide lens.
As expected, none of the stars played which was perfectly fine since all we really wanted was to see was Soldier Field from the inside and complete the Chicago sports “grand slam” (watch the Bulls at the United center,watch the Sox at US Cellular field, watch the Bears at Soldier field and watch the Cubs at Wrigley). Sorry Chicago Fire, I haven't converted Jaye to a soccer fan yet and sorry Blackhawks, you also play at the United Center.
We didn’t really followed the game but we did glance occasionally to the field whenever what’s-his-name receives a pass or passes the ball.
Soldier field is huge and… metal. It looks like a mixing bowl from far away andit still looks like a mixing bowl from the inside. There are huge screens on both ends of the fields and it’s impossible to ignore those box seats up above for the rich people (each ticket costs around 300 to 800 dollars!).
Eventually the game ended and a lot of the fans in our section were already long gone. No one cared what the score was but apparently, the Bears won. The crowd was nonchalant as they walked out towards the exit. None of that “YEAAAAHHH WE WOOOON!! IN YOUR FACE CLEVELAND!!!” stuff. It was more like “yawn… I need to go home and cut my toenails.” look.
That’s the NFL preseason, a fraction of the ticket price for none of the excitement. At least whenever they show Soldier Field I can say “Yeah… I’ve been there. I watched the Bears. That Anderson guy is one heck of a player.”
Oh, where did we eat? Home… with a plate of Lucky Me pansit canton… apparently I'm the only idiot who bought an Anderson jersey in all of Chicago.
