Cooking with Arnold VI

Life is like a batch of pancakes, you’ll never know what you’ll end up with.

Let’s see, I bought the easy mix batter. Add water with the powder mix and you have instant batter! No, I didn't mess that up. I used to play around in construction sites when I was a kid and i watched those workers mix cement. I took out a skillet, turned up the heat and away we go...

Attempt #1

I heated the pan, poured the batter mix and heard an unexpected sizzle - the only type you hear with sisig on a hot plate – a loud and angry hiss. I turned around, grabbed a turner (that’s what you call that spatula like thingie right?), grabbed a serving plate, turned around again.

And it was gone…

Pancake 1 evaporated.

My dog barked twice as if to tell me "too hot bruh" (yea he's from the ghetto).

Attempt #2

I lowered the heat, added a little more powder mix and poured it on the barely hot skillet. 2 minutes passed and it still looked the same, I went inside and watched “Mr and Mrs Smith” at Star Movies for a few minutes. Went back to the kitchen, grabbed the turner, and flipped the pancake. Let’s see, ¼ of the pancake stayed stuck, ¼ went flying off the skillet, ¼ was shredded, ¼ was successfully turned (and eventually shredded). The pancake was too big (It was the same size of the skillet) and it didn’t cook evenly.

at least it wasn't burned.

Attempt #3

Ok. In comes the butter then came a small portion of batter (same size as the burger patties at Jollibee). I went inside and watched the car chase scene. I went back to the office and Arn the Arsonist strikes again. I scraped it off the skillet and threw away the nasty hockey pucks.

ARNsonist? yea I thought of it too...

Attempt #4

Same as the third attempt but no more watching Angelina Jolie shoot bad guys. Ok fine I still watched but from a distance where I was still able to keep an eye on my hotcakes. Tried to flip it and… hey it didn’t stick! The bottom was… black but not charred. This thing was actually edible!

it's not burned, it's camouflaged.

Attempt #5

The obvious game plan – drown it in butter. In goes a tablespoon of butter and the batter. Finally, some successful pancakes! I was able to cook 6 more of these.

there's butter everywhere!

I brought it to the office for breakfast. Mags ate one and drowned it in maple syrup.

“Isa pa, Mags?”
“ay no na diet ako e.”

How come everything I cook makes people wanna go on a (and stick on a) diet all of a sudden..

Perils of a Fat Man - Addl

I just had to add this...

I went to the men's room and two urinals automatically flushed...

:-/

Perils of a Fat Man

• At KFC, everytime I order something (eg. 2 piece ChickenJoy) , I’m immediately asked “How many extra rice sir?”.
• At Jollibee in C5, I just ordered the cheeseburger meal. I was asked “How many sir?”
• At the Potato Corner here in the 12th floor of GT, I’m still a few feet away from the shop and the lady already prepares the “jumbo” sized container (but has no idea what flavor I’ll be getting). Actually when I enter that area where Potato Corner, the Empanada booth, popcorn and Greenwich pizza are located, everyone is initially sitting in this table chatting (since business is slow) then they see me and everyone goes back to their booths with the potato corner lady frying up a new batch even before I order.
• At home, after I confirm to my mom that I’ll be eating at home, the amount of food is doubled (or even tripled).
• Every Christmas, I always get the same funny gifts –-> medium sized shirts. I would try on the shirts the next day and my brother would roll around laughing.
• Everytime my family orders out at Don Henrico’s, they would order the buffalo wings and the shrimp pasta. My mom, my dad and my brother would all share the pasta (and just the pasta).
• Pizza huts calls every week and ask if I want to order something.
• Pizza hut actually refused to renew my Palm card (It’s that Pizza Hut card worth around 200 pesos that entitles me an extra pizza everytime I buy one). My brother bought one for me and I ordered pizza. I’m may be fat but I’m not dumb.
• I bought lots of shirts that was one size smaller hoping that this would push me to lose weight. They’re still there in my cabinet… with the tags.
• I was shopping for a long sleeved shirt. I picked one up, asked the lady if they have one of this in my size and she immediately hands me an XXL sized one.
• At Old Navy, I was asked if the shirt i picked out was available in small (obviously it wasn't for me). The girl walked away with a smirk.
• Before posting this, I went downstairs and ordered fries. “How many sir?”

:-/

Chickens, Complaints and 25 Lost Minutes

It takes me 25 minutes to watch a TV show or run to the grocery and back to buy something or to run from Navy Pier to the North Ave beach. 25 minutes away from home going to the office means I’m somewhere already somewhere in C5 (unless it’s rush hour). 25 minutes to cook 12.5 bags of microwavable popcorn. 25 minutes is what it feels like when waiting for the elevator at GT. 25 Minutes is also a song by Michael Learns to Rock which I really hate but that’s not where I’m getting at.

Try 25 minutes in line in this drive through joint. I won’t name the place and the branch to show that I’m not bitter. Factor in hunger and stress from work and that 25 waiting minutes will feel like an hour.

Anyways, I was at the drive through of KFC in Libis (oops, it slipped). I pull into the single lane alley and there were 3 cars in front of me. Not bad right? 3 people in front of you in a line shouldn’t take long. After 25 minutes of waiting and grumbling finally I was at the order window. I asked why it took them 10 minutes to fulfill orders to which they explained that it’s taking them that long because everything is made to order. Made to order? I ordered a box of their KFC hotshots (it’s like these small spicy chicken tenders) and I was told to wait 10 minutes because they still had to cook it. Why? Were you surprised I ordered deep fried chicken? From Kentucky Fried Chicken? You think the car behind me will order Filet mignon and lobster bisque?

I stared at the KFC menu and thought… but everything is really deep fried. Put barbecue sauce on it and they call it chicken barbecue. Put orange sauce on it and it’s orange chicken. Put soy sauce, sugar and ginger and its chicken tempura. Drop it in lugaw and it’s arroz caldo. Get the point? They can gather up all the overcooked chicken pieces, shred it, put it in a sizzling plate, drown it in gravy, crack an egg on top and call it KFC-sig. I’m one of the worst cooks in history but I think I know what KFC’s base ingredient in their menu.

I got myself a 2 piece instead. One was all bones and the other was smaller than the paper wrapped cup of rice.

Timed it: 1 minute, 17 seconds and so ends one of the worst dinner experiences I had. I chopped up onions, opened a can of corned beef and had corned beef with burnt onions for my real dinner… and oh, a cup of gravy.

The Past Month

Let's see if I can summarize everything that happened for the past month in one paragraph...

We deployed the reporting application I helped develop thus marking the assignment a huge huge huge success. I turned down something people would kill for - an onshore extension. I had three going away parties - one early one from She, Sha, Lei, Lorna, Mike and Jhon with my favorite choco cake from Jewel, one from all the onshore people and another one again from She and company. I cried when they sprung my first surprise. I cried even more when they sprung their third, wherein they prepared a very touching video. In one day I managed to stuff everything in the apartment into one box. The box was bursting but was literally covered in gray duct tape. Ria and RJ drove me out... really nice of them (thanks Ri!). My first day back, Jaye presented me another touching thank you and congrats video from everyone... literally - everyone in Chicago, my team, my friends and everyone in Manila. I stunned her back with my Chicago surprise - the Debbie project :P. I was surprised to see how expensive everything now especially food and fuel. My knee got worse and my plantar fasciitis got more unbearable, I really need to see a doctor. I scored 11 points in my comeback game and my first shot was a stepback fadeaway three pointer which swished - vintage :P. That was followed by a floater then 7 bricks. I still have no lateral movement. I got myself new eyeglasses. I had the suspension of my car replaced and I had to wait for almost 30 minutes just for them to swipe my card because Vince Hizon was there and all the receptionists were having their picture taken. My receipt from that shop says "Customer Name: Vince Hizon"... hmmm... I was mistaken for Vince Hizon... happens all the time. I got my license renewed. After shattering my camera, I got myself a new one after some quick accounting clearances and financial plan changes.

wow! :P