What Did I Just Say?!?

This was just weird.

I was outside the house last Sunday and saw four cats sleeping on our neighbor's driveway. Being the sound-effects guy that I am (and I do a very realistic cat's meow), I did a set of meows with different tones. I did a pa-cute meow (like a kitten), I did a long low toned meow (I think they do that when they're in trouble), I did the fast meow (to get their attention) in random order. I was trying to get them to come to me.

The four of them suddenly woke up. One cat ran to the right. One cat chased and brutally attacked him. The other cat ran left on the opposite direction. The remaining cat stood up and checked on the two fighting cats. Next I heard some angry meows, hisses and more meows. The other cat was clearly ticked off as he just wants to decapitate the other cat. It was like Ron Artest and Ben Wallace. It was like that cartoon sequence where they would fight into a big smoke cloud and you would see nothing but fists and feet... then one would start to crawl away but is dragged back into the cloud together with hitting and punching sound effects. The two cats fought and fought until one ran away into another neighbor's backyard. The cat that ran left was never seen again while the remaining cat just walked away cautiously.

I don't know what my meowing meant but I think it translated to "Your girlfriend is sleeping with one of your friends".

Now if only I know how to say "No.... your OTHER friend."

For here or to go

Jaye and I were at McDonald's for dinner last night. I ordered a McChicken meal while Jaye just had a chocolate milkshake. While the lady was punching in my order into the register, Jaye told me there weren't any seats available anymore. I told the lady that they didn't have any seats available anymore and so I requested if I could have my order to go instead.

She asked, "which one?".

I had my "huh?" blank stare.

She asked again, "do you want everything for take out?" while showing me my tray waiting for me to point at the items that I wanted to be bagged.

I took me a while to process and reprocess and reprocess what the heck she was talking about. I told her "yes, everything is for take out." still with a blank stare. We waited for her to leave to get our order then the moment she turned around, Jaye and I started laughing.

Let's see, there aren't any more seats in the restaurant so I'll have my sandwich to go. The coke is for dine in since I don't have a cup holder (I'll just drop by again to take a sip every other bite) then I'll just drive through for the milkshakes.

Which reminds me, a few years back, I passed by the Burger King drive-thru near our house and ordered a Whopper meal... to go. While I was driving on to the cashier window,

"oo nga naman... meron bang dine in na drive thru dito?"

The Elevator and the Deranged Lunatic

I was inside the elevator when the doors opened at the ground floor. This guy probably in his mid 30's, just entered the building and completed the usual "magic wand" security check, saw the open elevator doors, ran towards me while shouting "UP!" "UP!" "UP!".

I was standing near the doors where he had a clear view of me. I took one step to the left and I pressed the close door button of the elevator.

He was still running, still shouting "UP! UP! UP!", clutching his bag and now looking at me begging me to press the open button.

I looked at him and pressed the close button.

The doors started to close. He lunged towards the elevator doors and stuck his hand between it. The doors opened, he stepped in wheezing and panting and gave me a mean look. Then, in an angry tone: "Bingi ka ba? Sabi nang UP e! Pipindutin mo lang naman! Lahat ng tao nagmamadali! Bastos ka talaga!" (for my non-tagalog/EOP friends: Are you deaf? I told you I was going UP! Just press the button! Everone's in a rush! You're so rude!)

I only looked at him and said nothing as the doors closed. I had so many punch lines but before I could use any of it, he delivered one himself:

"ay... ba't nag-down?" (why did it go down?)

Switch to boxers dude. Whatever that is you're wearing, it's probably too tight.

How's my what...?

Hey meester taksee drivur, your drivin's ok... eet's yur speling that wi ol shud woree abawt.

Night at the Museum and Milkshakes

Jaye and I were supposed to play badminton last night but my balky knee was in no condition for any strenuous activity so we went to the movies instead – Night at the Museum! We saw the trailer for it when we watched Happy Feet last year and agreed to watch it when it comes out.

We were supposed to catch the 8:30pm show but I was stuck in a high priority emergency meeting until 8:15pm so we caught the next available show at 9:10pm.

I loved Night at the Museum. Honestly, I was expecting it to be an action/thriller type movie but it turned out to be more of the family-type variety. Lots of funny scenes! I loved Sacagewea (when she was tracking the vehicle) and Attila the Hun (the shouting scene). Jaye and I were just laughing our butts off.

The plot is simple. Maybe a little too simple. I can summarize the entire story in one sentence just like an anime episode (like in Slam Dunk, it took this dude 30 minutes to take and make a three point shot... the same time it would have taken if I had a pizza delivered.). Have you tried summarizing a CSI episode in one sentence?

(Say this in one breath) "They find a dead guy at the parking lot with a gun and a pool of blood beside him but there were no entry or exit wounds so they bring out some high tech equipment which at the end only determined that they guy was really dead and that his favorite color was orange, loved listening to punk rock and drank coffee every morning so they checked the gun and checked the documents from which they find out belonged to an oil tycoon who owned one of the casinos on the Strip so they tracked him down only to explain that he gave away that gun to some fella years ago so they all go back to the crime scene and find a banana peel and concluded that the guy slipped and fell on a gun on the ground... and that he was gay which has nothing to do whatsoever with the result of the show followed by Gil Grissom stating a Shakespearean quote. ooooooooowaaahoo hoo hoo hoo hoo.... "

Well whaddyaknow... you CAN summarize a CSI episode in one sentence!

Anyways, after the movie, we had dinner and had chocolate milkshakes from McDo!!! Mmmmmmm! So many memories…

DVD Players and Warranties

First a TV, now a DVD player. :)

We went over to the mall and picked up a JVC DVD player. After we tested the unit, the guy was now offering us an extended warranty (I think it was for 1 or 2 more years). We said no. He continued to jabber on about the benefits of having an extended warranty, that if something goes wrong they will give us a outight replacement instead of sending the player overseas for repairs. We still said no (The cost for the extended warranty was outside our budget and we promised ourselves we won't go over it this time). For the next few minutes, he goes on and on and on and on and on about what's it's like having an extended warranty (better service, more stores, faster turnaround times, etc etc...).

It's really starting to get annoying like those Citibank agents (They call almost everyday offering the same things over and over and over).

So I asked the guy if this thing broke easily given the way he was almost begging me to get the warranty. He bragged that this thing was made of high quality parts, will not break easily and none of the previous customers who bought the same thing have ever brought it back with complaints. Then I asked if this thing was as sturdy as he claims, what would the warranty he was offering me be for?

He had that "oo nga naman" look in his face and didn't bother us anymore. Jaye and I left the store laughing. Cruel ko daw... kulet e... :P

Look Arn! We can't cook either!

We have an entry (actually it was sent to me sometime ago...) from my dear friends in Chicago. It's a nice feeling that me sharing my vast knowledge and experience in food burning is deeply inspiring others.



This was sent by one of my favorite couples in ChiTown - Tessa and Copi. See the blending of the cooked, burned and charred layers of rice? See the artistic arrangement as well as how the colors mix with the chicken? See the emotions felt in the picture as reflected by how the rice was placed on the plate? Beautiful. Simply beautiful.

However, I see lots of areas for improvement. One, the chicken is cooked. It should at least be overcooked and a little bit charred. The design of the charring should be one with the charred rice. Harmony dude, harmony. Two, the charring only appears on the topmost layer of the rice. It should appear at the top and somewhere in the middle. Again dude, harmony. Three, going back to the chicken, there should be bits of charred skin all over the plate (or at least beside it). It creates a totally new dimension in appreciating this dish. It creates a story on how and why this poor chicken leg was cooked and eventually burned. With the charred skin, the viewer feels with the food, its current state, what happened and what will happen next. (If you looked at the picture again and started crying... go see a psychiatrist!)

Well, they did a great job but still need to work on a few things. That's why in the field of food burning, you guys are amateurs and I'm still the master.

Daydreaming

End of work day. I was at the men's room brushing my teeth. There was another guy washing his hands and when he left, the door closed behind him and the room fell silent.

There are two cubicles in the men's room in the 22nd floor. One had its door wide open. The other was locked. Suddenly, from someone's radio which was obviously had its volume set to high:

"Twenty second?"
...
"Twenty second!"
...
"TWENTY SECOND!"
...
(note: the security guards here call each other via walkie talkies by the floor they're currently stationed to.)
...
"... yes ser? ..."
"... san ka? ..."
"... sa 22nd ..."
"... wala ka e. San exac location mo?..."
...
"... 22nd? ..."
"... sa banyo ser. umeebak lang. 10 minutes!..."

I blurted out a quick cough and there was toothpaste all over the mirror.

Imagine if (knock on wood) terrorists infiltrated the 30th floor. Terrorists with AK-47s storm the office and take hostages. One brave security guard manages to disable one of the terrorists, steals his rifle and makes his way to the exit. The terrorists see the guy and open fire (just like in Filipino movies, they will manage to hit everything EXCEPT the target). The guard dives into the ground, under heavy fire but he finds a walkie talkie on the floor (again, like in Filipino movies, they find the most convenient things on the floor when in trouble). He contacts the 22nd floor for help...

"Thirtieth to twenty second... Thirtieth to twenty second... request backup! we are under heavy fire! I repeat, we are under heavy fire! Reqesting backup!"

(meanwhile, back in the quiet 22nd floor... let's cut and paste the conversation I just heard... )

"Twenty second?" ...
"Twenty second!" ...
"TWENTY SECOND!" ...
...
"... yes ser? ..."
"... san ka? ..."
"... sa 22nd ..."
"... wala ka e. San exac location mo?..."
...
"... 22nd? ..."
"... sa banyo ser. umeebak lang. 10 minutes!..."

put in a sexy star, a comedic side kick and a lame title and you have yourself a plot for a Pinoy action flick. Lastly, just because it's me, there will be a kidnapping plot somewhere at the end of the movie, they perform a successful rescue and they will all dance at some park.