Of Crocodiles

I’ve seen this before on the National Geographic Channel. A pack of wilderbeasts were crossing the river where hungry crocs await. When one wilderbeast strays off, one croc blocks his escape route while three others bite and drag him underwater. They drag the carcass to land, dinner is served and so the chain of life continues.

I was at the EDSA – Ortigas intersection when one van foolishly tried to beat the red light. The van stopped, one cop blocked him up front while four others blocked his sides. No escape. The dragged the van to the side and I guess dinner is served for them as well.

Call them whatever you like: “MMDA”, “Kotong Cops”, “Buwaya”, etc etc…

Don’t worry, MMDA loyalists, Bayani Fernando loyalists and the good cops (all five of you), I’m referring to the bad ones.

You know who I’m talking about. The ones who make up a reason to flag you down then ask for a bribe. The ones who have “GREED” written over their faces. The ones who have their nameplates covered.

I’ve also had my encounters with them before. Three asked for bribes. Three I ran away from. Of those three, one had a motorcycle but was too fat and lazy to get on and chase me. The latest one I had was interesting. I know enough not to run the red light. Stoplight turned yellow and I stopped immediately. No sense rushing it right? Wrong! While sitting behind the red light, this MMDA officer flagged me down and asked for my license. I asked what for. I never heard a violation like that before:

Stepping.

Stepping? (I heard over the radio this morning c/o Chico and Delamar that other people were also caught for this.)

Stepping is what basketball referees call when you step on the out of bounds line. I asked him: “Stepping?”. I wanted to say that the other car traveled but decided to keep my mouth shut.

He explained that I stepped over the line when I stopped for the red light. He immediately “wrote” on the ticket and told me how much it was. I saw him writing something but when I got a glimpse on the ticket it was still blank. He looked at my license, saw my name and asked for my background. I explained who I was and he gave me my license back.

Hee hee hee… liar.

Let’s do a comparison shall we? The Philippine Crocodile Crocodylus mindorensis vs Mr. Bribe.

Pinoy Croc	:)	MMDA
Crocodylus mindorensis	Profile	MMDimus Coruptus Maximus
preys on antelopes, fish, shrimp, rats and water snails.	Diet	preys bigger animals like (Toyota) Tamaraws, (Ford) Lynxes and Philippine Rabbits.
featured in Brady Barr’s Dangerous Encounters show in National Geographic.	Fame	has been in “Hoy Gising!” and “Imbestigador” countless times.
found in freshwater areas – small lakes and ponds.	Habitat	found mostly in intersections behind hidden traffic signs. MMDA are also amphibious.
do not grow more than 3 meters with females being smaller.	Appearance	have size 40 pants.
When playing Counter Strike, these would be the ones roaming around the map with a shotgun.	Hunting Style	the ones who have sniper rifles waiting in certain areas waiting until the cows come home.
critically endangered.	Conservation Status	critically dangerous.
not aggressive but will bite when harassed.	Behavior	seem not aggressive but will bite AND harass.
shoot it with a tranquilizer gun.	When attacked	Good ol' Ninoy.
Show leather made handbags.	How to scare	Mayor's calling card or PNP ID.