Elevator Basics

(set sarcastic_tone = true) … ok game...

The elevator is a veeeeeery complicated machine... I know... On the ground floor, there’s only one button and since it doesn’t have a label, who knows what it’s for right? When you enter one, there are too many buttons inside! I only need to go to the 22nd floor… Gee… I wonder which one I should press… I tried the one beside the big number “12” but oh no!!! it stopped on the 12th floor!!! There’s got to be an instruction manual somewhere… maybe it’s that sheet of paper the size of a stamp that’s on a 8x11 frame oh wait, that’s only the elevator permit. (Look, I’m not a legal expert but maaaaaaaaybe there’s a law that they have to print it on a 2x2 paper… the size of a photo ID… maaaaaaaaybe it’s to conserve paper, help the environment and save the endangered Philippine tube-nosed fruit bat… I really don’t know…)

Anyways, don’t worry because though I am weird, at least I’m helping you guys out by sharing my vast knowledge in the world of elevator usage.

Press the button just once. You’re on the ground floor, you’re late or you really have to go to the bathroom, you press the up button. Good job. Look, there’s no need to press it again. If it’s lit, it knows what you want. It’s thaaaat smart. Pressing and mashing the up button won’t make the cars arrive earlier. Once is enough. Besides, that technique is only known to work in remote controls. Press the change channel button and it doesn’t do anything. Press it harder and lo, more channels!

Look at the up/down lights. You press the “up” button because you want to go up. I won’t tell you what the “down” button does… there’s a quiz later. Once one of the elevator cars is available and does that doorbell-like sound, look at the lights on the outside – there’s an up light and a down light. If the down light is lit, it will go down. If teh up light is lit, it will go up. Trust me. I’ve tried it.

Closing doors. Filipinos are not known to hold the elevator door open for others, actually they even press the close button. If you are about to board an elevator then the door suddenly starts to close, there’s absolutely no need to shout and panic. There’s no need to scream at the people already inside the elevator. Just put your arm between the doors and it will open. There’s a silver thingie as well on the edge that once pressed, will open the doors too. It’s designed to close but not to crush people ok? Just stick out your arm, you’ll be amazed.

Face anywhere. While inside the elevator, there’s no rule where I can face right? I mentioned I’m no legal expert but this one I can be sure of. With that, if I want to board the elevator with my back against the door while facing the other people inside it, I will. Yes, Arnold is THAT weird. Besides, whenever I’m waiting for the elevator going down, then it does arrive but it’s already full and so I have to catch the next one, it’s funny how people “arrange” themselves such that when the door opens, it looks like a big family portrait.

Lastly, if the elevator buzzes, it’s saying “HEY!!! ARE YOU GETTING ON OR WHAT?!? DECIDE NOW AND STOP TALKING TO YOUR FRIEND! IF YOU WANNA TALK TO HIM, BOARD THE NEXT ONE, IF NOT, GET IN!”.

Ok fine, that last one I made up but if the elevator does start buzzing, and you’re still deciding whether to get in or not, you have issues, dude.

…and stop asking me what the “push to call” button is for.