Weirdest Excuse for Going Home Early from Work

The day started like all my other mornings. I woke up, showered, got dressed, got my stuff, walked to my car, closed the door and started the engine. I suddenly stopped...

Something was wrong. Something… stinks. Something was rotting.

I checked my messy backseat to see if there was something unusual - A .Net book, Blue (my stuffed penguin), air compressor and a bunch of hangers. Nothing. I drove off slowly and saw a garbage truck beside our house. Culprit found. I turned on the radio and sped away. I turned on the air conditioner and got face full of stink. Eww! Luckily the smell only lasted a few seconds and it was back to normal.

Traffic was crazy. Libis was full. Ortigas was jammed. Julius, who was also on his way to the office, texted me and told me he was stuck in traffic as well. I asked him if there was something up today and we assumed it was just “cars on the road” day. I picked up Jaye at her place, went to the office and parked in my usual parking slot. I took out my long sleeved shirt from the back seat and put it on.

There’s that smell again.

It smelled like that garbage truck. You know that liquid that drips on the side of garbage trucks? That’s what it exactly smelled like. It’s impossible that the smell stuck to my tires.

Or is it? Nah. I was then thinking maybe a mouse crawled somewhere and just died.

Jaye took her stuff, I locked the door and we started walking towards the elevators. She gave a small shriek:

“Ewww! Ano yan?”

Something was splattered on my car hood. The liquid dripped down to my headlights and my air vents (which explains why my air conditioner “farted” earlier). There are traces of translucent liquid on my windshield. I checked that pit below my windshield wiper and saw something.

Jaye walked away and coughed in disgust as the smell wafted towards us.

I walked towards it (kunwari macho) to have a closer look.

Something was there. Something was dead. That something was a chunk of meat. Yuck!

Jaye checked and she says it was chicken… chicken fat to be exact. I took one of the old hangers from my backseat and flipped the chicken fat off my windshield. It landed beside the car and I kicked it to a corner so we won’t step on it later. The smell was starting to be irritating. I have something against the smell of rotten stuff which is why taking out the garbage is my least favorite house chore. I threw the hanger into the garbage can in disgust.

Jaye and I left for the elevators as we decided to just have it cleaned later. While in the elevator, the stranger beside me noted that he smells garbage. Uh oh. I smell it too.

Jaye went to her floor and I went to my cube. I worked for a few minutes and immediately I smelled THAT smell again. It’s my shoes. I splashed alcohol on it but it still smelled like a dead skunk. I went to the men’s room and washed my shoes. I went back to my cube and removed my shoes but it now smelled like a wet dead skunk. Something else caught the smell.

Oh no… my pants.

Should I remove… nah.

Maybe it was when I flung the chicken fat. Maybe I brushed against something. I was hopping mad and severely irritated. The smell was driving me nuts and I couldn’t concentrate anymore.

My office cube started to smell like a garbage dump. Tina dropped by and asked something. I told her to step back but she just laughed, thinking I was joking. Julius arrived and I asked him to stay away (which he did after giving me a weird look).

Next came my weirdest excuse for missing work. I just told my officemates that something came up and I just had to go. Never write emails when you're angry (and never promise anything when you're happy). I had a quick lunch with Jaye and went to my car.

Inside the elevator, my 2 onshore friends with there – Leah and Alfred. Yup, they were parked near my car. They didn’t comment but I think they noticed. The section I parked in smelled like garbage! Yuck! I went inside my car and drove off.

Outside, I saw my old officemate JK. I opened my window to say hi but the smell suddenly gushed inside the car as if it was sprayed. JK gave me a dazed look wondering why I would call him then make faces.

Back home, I parked outside washed the car and gave it a big dose of Lysol.

Now comes the interesting part: HOW?

We didn’t get it from the office parking lot since Jaye arranged my windshield wipers before leaving. I didn’t notice anything when I parked my car last night. I did park in front of this house while I brought out the groceries to Jaye’s place. Maybe I got it there. Hmmm… here are the only possible causes:

- A chicken flew into our garage then a cat came and clawed its guts out. The cat didn’t eat the fat since it was on Atkin’s.
- Someone threw garbage while I was driving past a pedestrian flyover.
- Some A-holes placed it there as a prank.
- It fell of a garbage truck on my way home.
- High prices of gasoline (they say it’s the cause of all our problems).

Hmmm… did that garbage truck I saw in the morning has to do anything with it?. If it happened while I was parked at home, why my car and not my brother’s? Why chicken (we didn’t have chicken that day)? Why oh why?

So many questions.

Idol Thoughts

This is the first time I watched the Final 12 of American Idol because well, I guess this is the first time I honestly rooted for someone. During Season 3, I was rooting for Jasmine Trias but honestly it was more because she was Filipina more than she was a good singer.

Jaye and I were both rooting for David Cook. I wasn’t really into Idol during the early part of the season but I first heard of David Cook when he sang “Hello”. I also saw an entry of him in Vench’s blog comparing his version of Billie Jean with another Idol contestant before. The first David Cook song I loved was “Always Be My Baby”. I bought that from iTunes (as well as the video) and was rooting for him since. David Cook had Jaye at… er…”Hello”.

During the finals we both wished David Cook would win against David Archuleta. David Archuleta is a great guy and a great singer but, he’s just not my idol. I would want to watch him but not to be him. He’s too predictable and he has signs of the “Britney Syndrome” where all his songs tend to sound alike (not because of his voice but his arrangements). Let me guess, his debut album would be a close up picture of him smiling against nature or a plain background. His album would be named something like “Believe in Dreams” and his singles are almost certain to have cheesy names (I’ll post an entry once it comes out to confirm).

I have nothing against Archuleta and you can go ahead with your anti – cook comments from his “arrogance” (come to think of it, I think this is more because Archuleta is so polite that he makes the pope look like a drunk uncle), or his songs are too “noisy”. You can also read all the side stories behind these two contestants from Archuleta’s dad to Cook already releasing 4 albums prior to his Idol audition. The Cook vs Archuleta final is simply a choice between two styles and genres. My mom prefers the Groban style and she was behind Archuleta. Jaye and I love rockers so we’re behind Cook. My dad got confused and rooted for Archuleta because he was “Filipino” (“Archuleta” nga naman…).

Speaking of Filipinos, you’ve probably heard of Renaldo Lapus as the second Filipino in the American Idol finale stage singing the now famous “We’re Brothers Forever”. He stole the spotlight from Ramiele Malubay who sadly "disappeared" on the show. Sad to say Ramiele is more famous for her controversial pictures posted online where she was touching er… uh… you be the judge (at least she didn’t pull a Vanessa Hudgens).

Going back to Renaldo, why do I have a funny feeling that people call him… “Tito Boy”.

The Arn Quiz! Part 2

1. What’s new with Arn since Quiz #1?
a) He trains dogs.
b) He joined Digital Photographer Philippines.
c) He bought a new Nikon camera.
d) He got injured again.
e) He’s into lomography.
f) He finally cleaned his room after almost 5 years
g) He took pictures of the moon.
h) He went to Batangas just to take a tear jerking picture of the sunset.
i) All of the above.

2. While taking pictures along Marikina River, Jaye and Arn…
a) Were asked to obtain a permit first before taking a picture of the river
b) Were told by the mall guard that they OWN the river
c) Were told that their area was from the mall up to this Mango tree near the Marcos Highway bridge
d) Went to the bridge and took a picture of manong guard… for kicks.
e) All of the above.

Answer to #1: I

3. Which of the following does Arn think they're hiding in the river?
a) The droids with the circuit plans.
b) Weapons of mass destruction.
c) The "second envelope" during the Erap trial.
d) An underwater lab for mass producing pirated DVD's of "The Hottie and the Nottie" (starring Paris Hilton)
e) Carmen San Diego

Answer to #2: E

4. Arn and Jaye left Marikina River because
a) They were overwhelmed by the brain pinching logic of manong guard and the no picture taking policy.
b) You just don't argue with people carrying shot guns.
c) The place is a dump. There were no decorations, gardens or any establishments. There was garbage everywhere and the river looked like Satan personally peed on it.
d) In exactly 2.3 seconds, you've already seen what needs to be seen in that place.
e) All of the above.

Answer to #3: Does it even matter? I think it was A though...

5. Arn was eating a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. Arn took out the foil wrapper and ate the whole thing. Why was it funny?
a) Arn doesn’t like peanut butter.
b) Arn prefers Snickers.
c) Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup has a black paper wrapping under the foil wrapper.
d) The black paper was not edible.
e) C and D

Answer to #4: E

6. Arn sleeps on:
a) A big bed with plenty of pillows, a blanket and a comforter.
b) A pile of boxes with a pillow
c) Piles and piles of money
d) The floor

Answer to #5: E

7. One morning, Arn strained his thigh and couldn’t walk for 2 days. He got injured while:
a) Sleeping
b) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA what a wimp!

Answer to #6: B (they threw out my old bed while I was in the US)

8. While jogging, Arn recorded his fastest “lap” in nearly 4 years because of:
a) All his hard work, patience and determination
b) His magnificent physique
c) Lower body strength and stamina
d) 4 stray dogs

Answer to #7: A (I got cramps while sleeping and I wasn’t able to wake up and “correct” my leg)

9. Because of #8, Arn jogs with:
a) A golf club
b) Pepper spray
c) A tennis racket
d) A samurai sword
e) A permit to take pictures along Marikina River.

Answer to #8: D

10. It’s performance evaluation time in our company and I gave a list of my accomplishments for the past year. What did I include in my list:
a) Solved world hunger
b) Captured Osama Bin Laden
c) Saved 4 kittens from drowning
d) All of the above.

Answer to #9: D

11. What American product or establishment arrived in Manila and made Arn really happy?
a) Krispy Kremes
b) Playboy Philippines
c) Hooters
d) Ben and Jerry Ice Cream
e) All of the above

Answer to #10: D (They're lies though)

12. Arn was the official photographer in the HR Apps beach outing. How many pictures did he take? (clue: he set his new personal record)
a) 750
b) 850
c) 950
d) 1050

Answer to #11: A & D.... 0:)

13. Out of those pictures, how many pictures had Arn in it?
a) 1
b) 2
c) 10
d) 1050

Answer to #12: D

14. Arn started his diet this May. Which of the following diet restrictions did he actually follow?
a) …
b) …
c) …
d) …

Answer to #13: B

ESSAY: In 500 words or less, explain how Arn's craving for a healthy plate of california maki ended up ordering a Chickenjoy meal with fries and extra rice.

Coincidence

Guy 1: "Pare anong ibig sabihin ng 'coincidence'"?
Guy 2: "Pare ewan, pero weird, yan din iniisip ko ngayon!”

Arn and the Wedding Photographer

It was mid 2007 when I decided to take up photography and attempt to make a side career with it. I started with taking pictures of squirrels at the park then moved to covering small events and gatherings then moved to portrait photography then to photojournalism and just plain art photography. Basically I’ll take pictures of anything and I always considered myself as a non-conventional photographer as I take pictures not by the book by based on what I see as beautiful. Wedding photography is considered an option and hopefully, something I can break into.

As of May 2008, I’m categorized as a portrait photographer and my style is more photojournalistic than anything else. To state the obvious: I am no wedding photographer.

News about Arn and his “art” reached a couple who wanted me to be a backup photographer on their wedding and I took the “job”. For my services, she offered me her desk lamp as payment which I willingly accepted. No, I don’t charge for my services as I’m in it for the experience and the fun (and weird payments like desk lamps).

Again, again so from squirrels to landscapes to small parties then to portraits, switching to weddings is a huge huge HUGE jump. Honestly, the job scared the heck out of me and I started worrying about so many things – do I have the right equipment? Which lenses do I use? Do I need to buy new stuff? What if something goes wrong?

The most alarming questions were: What pictures do I take at weddings? How do weddings work? What can I do and cannot do at the church? It was clear that I haven’t been to any weddings for a long time.

Before anything I had to prepare myself mentally and so I listed down the following notes to myself.

I am no wedding photographer.
A photographer at a wedding doesn’t make him/her a wedding photographer. Besides, I was doing backup which means I won’t take the same pictures the official photographers are taking. If I went out there thinking I’m someone else and attempt Lito Genilo or Dino Lara type shots, I end up with plain garbage. I’m not one. I’m not expected to be one. So why act like one? Simple right?

Learn and Enjoy.
There was no pressure. I talked to the couple and I told them I had 0 experience and so they were literally expecting nothing. If I shot nothing but pictures of rats swimming in a pond, well, ganun talaga. I’ll simply focus on observing what I see and enjoy the event.

Let Arn be Arn.
If I wasn’t the wedding photographer then what was my role? Simple. Let Arn be Arn. I’ll take my typical Arn shots the same way I took pictures at parties or while walking around Chicago. In other words: stick to what I know best.

Bottom line, Arn and the wedding photographer are two different people. Maybe some day these two will be the same person.

Just maybe.

For now though… wish me luck! :D

Toaster Defrost?

I was appliance shopping one time with Jaye when I saw this toaster with a defrost feature.



If you don't want to defrost, you can also just reheat it.

Honestly, I have no idea what these features are for. A toaster is one of the easiest appliances to figure out since it's designed to do one thing... hence called a "toaster".

When was the last time you had a loaf of frozen bread and wished you had a toaster to defrost it? When was the last time you were stuck with cold bread and wished you could reheat it?

Go figure.

Lang Kwenta Kausap

(my office phone rings...)

Tech Support: Arnold? Check ko lang kung ok na yung issue nyo sa laptop nyo.
Arn: May sira pa rin e.
Tech Support: Ah talaga? Sige daan na lang ako mamaya to check yung machine nyo. Ok lang ba around 5pm? May virus issue pa kasi ako.
Arn: Ahh sige, Ok lang. Get well dude.

The Manny Interviews

Ano daw?

The Monday Morning Drive

It was the usual Monday morning drive to Jaye's house on our way to the office in Makati. I called ahead and told her I was in Ortigas already but she told me she needed more time to prepare, like an hour or hour and a half.

Since I had the privilege of taking my sweet time driving along Ortigas and along EDSA, I had one of my worry free Monday morning drives ever. There was a jeepney driver who cut in front of me and I let him. He was followed by this van who I allowed to cut as well. There was another jeepney behind that van and guess what, I let him through too. Heck, I would have let the balut vendor in the corner cut in front of the way I was driving.

The intersection came and I didn't rush the yellow traffic lights. Along EDSA, I left every public utility just cut from both my left and right side and I just smiled while listening to another double meaning joke from Chico and Delamar. I exited the highway and parked in front of Jaye's place.

I was 45 minutes early.

It was the fastest I've been to the Makati when leaving the house at 7:30 in the morning.

Isn't it funny how sometimes you can go faster by going slower? =)

Conversations

Arn: “Miss, may voltage regulator kayo?”
Girl: “Meron po 500 watch”
Jaye: (whispers) “Wag mo na patulan hon!”
(I hope she meant Watts)
~
Arn: “Puedeng isang order ng mango? Yung ripe na yan diba?”
Waiter: “Ay hindi po.”
Arn: “Ah ganun? Ano meron kayo”
Waiter: “Yellow mango lang ho.”
~
Arn: (While shopping for a fluorescent light bulb) “Anong equivalent output nitong 11 watts?”
Guy: “Ah… 11 watts po.”
(Oo nga naman... Identity property: A = A)
~
Arn: “Kasama na ba yung bulb pag binili ko tong lamp na to?”
Guy: “Ay hindi po. Provide po siya”
Arn: “Provide?”
Guy: “Opo provide po.”
Arn: “Anong provide?”
Guy: “It means po ser kayo po bibili.”
Arn: “Ah… sige san yung mga provide nyong bulbs?”
Guy: “Andito po sa tabing aisle. Sa mga bulbs.”
~
*tutut* “Now attending… ACHOO!....... arn…”

Of Car Repairs and Sound Effects

I was driving home from work on night when my car’s engine started to sputter, like it had a bad case of the hiccups. I was at the Casa the next day with my sick car and I was talking to the guy at the desk. His name was Jay.

Jay: “Ser! Ano ho problema?”
Arn: “Makina e… may sira ata.”
Jay: “Naku! Ano ho yung tunog?”
Arn: “Vrooooom! Vroooom! Vroooooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuouououououoouououououum!”
Jay: “E paano po kung di nyo nirebolusyon?”
Arn: “Ganito naman… oooooououououououououououououo”
Jay: “hmmmmm”
Arn: “Ano sa tingin mo yung problema? Sira yung sparkplugs?”
Jay: “Hindi e. Hindi ganyan ang tunog ng sirang sparkplugs.”
Arn: “oooooououououououououououououo!”
Jay: “Alam nyo ser. Air control valve ho yung sira pag ganyan. Buksan ho namin yung makina tapos tawagan kita”

2 hours later they called me up and told me that the air control valve was damaged and that my sparkplugs were ok. I gave them permission to order the part and have it installed ASAP.

I honestly have no idea what an air control valve is but when you can imitate a car engine including its sputters… that’s talent!

Shooting the Moon

I was doing my usual light jogging in our village when I suddenly stopped to check out the sky. The stars were out and the moon was just beautiful.

The poet in me wanted to just sit and stare and let the good thoughts flow in hoping that Jaye would be looking at the moon as well.

The photographer in me wanted to run home to set up the camera+tripod and take plenty of pictures. Since the jogger in me gave up and wanted me to just go home and have dinner that’s what I did.

I set up my tripod and camera just outside our house, updated my camera settings and fired away. For the next few hours I was just there taking shots and changing settings. Shoot, change, shoot, change, shoot, change. Every 5 minutes I had to change the setting of the tripod since the moon was moving faster than I thought and the higher the moon went, the brighter it became. Finally at around 1am I got the shot I wanted:

I love taking pictures of the moon. I guess when you think about it, everyone else is taking a picture of the same thing just from a different angle. Some will have better pictures. Some will have worse. As long as you worked hard for a certain picture to make it look exactly the way you wanted it to be, you wouldn’t trade that with anything else in the world.

Full moons make Arn sentimental. :D

The Pacquiao Fight Commentary

Finally I was able to catch a replay of the Marquez – Pacquiao fight last weekend. I was out with my family the first time it was aired and though we were able to watch bits and pieces of the fight, I wasn’t really able to observe (and I was more concentrated on finishing off the big plate of baked mussels I ordered). After watching the replay, for the sake of my friends who totally missed the fight, here’s my full analysis of the fight (and everything else):

Round 1 – With every Filipino expecting Marquez to fall down in the first round, Manny gets hit by a 1 – 2 punch square right into the jaw. Manny looked awful as he was hit hard in this round. Give it to Marquez for a 1-0 round lead.

Oh great, here comes the Manny ads. "Pag masakit ang massel at parang pinipilipit na tale, i-Alaxan mo lang!". Manny sure could use some right there.

Round 2 – Both Manny and Marquez landed solid blows and this round would have gone either way but in the final 10 seconds Manny gets hit by a three hit combination making him slightly losing his footing. Before he could counter the round ended and so the round clearly belonged to Marquez. Don’t you hate it when that happens? It's like meeting the perfect girl - pretty, smart, funny then you find out she likes girls too...

Funny thing about that CDO burger ad as they sing all the things you can do with a burger patty - burger steak, hawiian burger and adobo burger. They didn't even mention hamburger sandwiches. The test if you're truly pinoy? If you didn't get the joke and you found nothing wrong in this paragraph.

Round 3 – The commentators were obviously panicking after seeing Manny get pounded the first two pounds and get hit by combinations early in the 3rd round. Late in the round they both switch to Manny’s “away kalye” style and surprise surprise, Marquez gets hit and lands on his back. He gets up and he’s greeted by more punches. You should see his facial expression as he uses his face to block the punches.

I just love the way referee Ken Bayless counts. Hey, he just counts 1 to 10 but he puts emotions into it as if he’s shocked with his eyes wide open. Hey, if you see someone like that, wouldn’t you stand up right away?

End of the round and Marquez and Manny both walked towards the same corner. Does Marquez want to sit on Manny’s lap on the same stool? Happy round for Filipinos since the knockdown just put Manny back in the fight.

Round 4 – The commentators are now predicting that Manny will finish the fight in this round. For the 105th time they mentioned that Marquez is a counter puncher. Manny punches and he gets punched back. The round dragged on and there was nothing.

More and more and more ads... Filipino ads can be categorized into the following themes:

A) A pretty face tells you to use this product. They have lines but it doesn’t make any sense. Take that Samba Corned Beef ad for example. A pretty girl knocks on the door and tells the guys in the room the she brought her friends. They party and they eat corned beef. Look closely and in that party, everyone is holding a can of corned beef instead of beer. What will they use for shots? Knorr bouillon cubes?
B) A jingle or a song. Again it doesn’t have to make sense but it should be catchy. There must be dancing too with plenty of backup dancers. Remember old comedy movies where the ladies would get kidnapped, rescued then they would all dance in Luneta?
C) Attempted humor aimed for the early grade schoolers. They use puppets and ultra corny jokes.
D) The direct approach. “Use this”. Wala lang. Basta use it.
E) Utter nonsense ended by mentioning the product name. A couple couldn’t sleep and so the husband goes up to the roof to lie down. Suddenly it rains and his wife shows up with an umbrella and they kiss. “Boysen: shelters you well”. Ok where do I start?
a. If he was lying down and checking out the sky, wouldn’t he sense it will be raining soon?
b. It wasn’t the roof paint that sheltered you, it was the lady’s umbrella.
c. Rain doesn’t pour just like that.
d. When was the last time you woke up in the middle of the night and decided to sleep on the roof since it's more comfortable and relaxing there?

Round 5 – They say in this round, Manny switched to a “Counter the counter” technique. He punched Marquez but it was blocked. Marquez countered with a right hook to Manny's jaw. So he plans to counter the counter with… his teeth? Marquez gets this round and leads 3-2.

Hey whatever happened to Manny’s flame shorts?

Round 6 – Really? Ginebra San Miguel has been here since 1834? Manny starts up by just standing and blocking. The commentators explain that Manny doesn’t want to punch since Marquez will just counter it anyway. Marquez comes in and punches Manny on the left cheek. What a weird technique. That's like saying you don't need to take baths since you'll end up dirty again anyway. Marquez now leads 4-2 thanks to Manny’s wet paper towel defense.

Round 7 – Marquez gets hit by a head butt and starts to bleed. A few punches here and there but nothing really exciting. Marquez now leads 5-2.

My brother called me over and showed me Abalos’ hamburjer clip in youtube. Now THAT’s comedy.

Round 8 – Both fighters are bleeding. Marquez started by hitting Manny’s left eye until it was closed and with just one eye, Manny couldn’t defend himself. No surprise there, he was fighting as if both eyes were closed the past 4 rounds.

My brother came back from the kitchen with a bottle of “Cobra” energy drink. He says he saw it from an ad on TV. This guy drank it while shouting “COBRA!”. Funny how these ads work for Filipinos.

Ah they showed that Boysen “nagging wife” ad. Finally, a quality ad.

Round 9 – Marquez gets a HUGE cut on his right eyebrow. What did Manny do? Stuff his gloves with razor blades? There was still no defense from Manny but at least he inflicted enough damage to win this round. 6-3.

Round 10 – Pacquiao starts the round by charging him and raining him with punches just like what you see in basketball games in village leagues or in congress. It should be enough to give him this round 6-4.

Round 11 and 12 – Marquez looked tired in both rounds and so did Manny. Ok I'll be honest, I missed round 11 since I was busy looking for corned beef. There were no more techniques in the final round as it was now a drunken brawl. Punches were barely connecting and both fighters looked real silly. After hitting each other with counter punches all night, both would punch each other and immediately, both would cover their faces at the same time. The bell rang and automatically, you should act as if you won the fight. Manny tried to grab Marquez but Marquez ignored him. Manny just laughed.

The fight was over and Manny won split decision. Based on my scoring it should have been a tie but since Marquez was knocked down on the 3rd round, Manny gets an extra point and the win by an eyelash. Marquez claimed he was cheated (as always). When the fight was aired live, we were having a family lunch over at Dampa near Mall of Asia and when they announced Manny as the winner everyone just cheered and jumped. I even high fived this shirtless guy beside me who smelled like feet.

They showed more replays of Marquez falling down. Minutes later, everyone was quiet as they saw Manny suffering from a bad nosebleed. Was it from Marquez’s punches?

Nah.

They were interviewing Manny.

...in English.

Manny struggled through the questions and you can see the viewers feel the pressure and the pain of knowing perfectly what to say in Filipino but have no idea how to translate them directly in English. Poor Manny. Too much English gives you nosebleeds. Funny comment from the crowd during the interview: "KAYA MO YAN MANNY! YES KA LANG NG YES!"

Flight to Manila Random Thoughts

I flew back to Manila! It was a grueling weekend for me from packing my stuff until surprising my parents who had no idea I was flying home. While I could write the whole story how it went, I took the liberty of summarizing the interesting events:

- You can call it "luggage science" I guess. I had two luggages for check in with one weighing 70 pounds and the other at 75 pounds (the limit over at Northwest is 70). I moved some stuff from one luggage into the other and weighed them again - both now weighed 67 pounds. Go figure.

- My carry on gym bag weighed 45 pounds since it contained all my camera equipment, my Wii, my external drives, documents, wires, PSP, iPod and two big books. This gym bag was different from my laptop bag which contained my laptops, photo magazines, jacket, cap and laptop accessories. How did it feel? Well, both my arms were sore, my back hurt a lot and I was just past the Chicago customs on my way to the gates. I gave up and paid 3 dollars each in Chicago and Detroit for luggage carts. Good thing the carts in Nagoya and Manila were free.

- The most gruesome part of the flight is the Detroit to Nagoya. Good thing I had an aisle seat with no seatmate. Wow! My “babies” (my stuffed monkey, penguin and turtle) had their own seat. Sosyal!

- Chicken or Beef? Beef or Chicken? What's the point? They all taste the same.

- One thing I noticed, Filipinos traveling from the US to Manila always wear something that tells them where they came from in the US. There was this guy wearing a University of Hawaii shirt. One had a Bulls shirt. One had a Golden State Warriors shirt. Pinoy na pinoy.

- The first “taste” of the Philippines is really when you walk from the plane though the tunnel and into NAIA and when your skin suddenly becomes damp. The bag was too much to carry and since my wrist, my hand and my forearms were already sore, I lifted up my bag and carried it on my shoulders ala kargador.

- I was in line for immigration. The center booth were reserved for OFW’s. Some guy appeared and announced that “IF YOU HAVE A PHILIPPINE PASSPORT, YOU CAN FALL IN LINE IN THE CENTER BOOTH”. Of course this was followed by a stampede. Me, I stood still because of my uber heavy bag. Once the line was set, the guy followed “… IF YOU ARE AN OFW”. Hay… Manila.

- I waited for my bags in the carousel. When I finally saw one, I grabbed the handle but had no strength to reel it in. I was extremely tired, sleepy, hungry and thirsty. I had to let go and the guy on my right was laughing. After standing back up, my second luggage whizzed by and I just started at it. I’ll catch them on the next round.

- Next round, I grabbed a bag and tossed it to my right. It wasn’t mine but I had to get it out of the way. I grabbed my heavy bag and wrestled it to the ground as if it was an alligator. After I pinned my bag down I stood back up as fast as I can since I knew my second bag was next. I grabbed its wheels and dragged it to the floor as well hitting the guy beside me in the shins. A minute ago he was laughing and now he’s in pain. I'm such a jerk.

- While at the car and my brother driving, there was this truck filled with chickens being transported to somewhere in Pasig. Suddenly, one of the chickens was able to escape and fell off the truck, tumbling into C5. Really now, when do you think can you experience something like that in Chicago?

- Dad was asleep and I sat down on the bed. Using my mom’s voice (I can copy them both), I asked him where my brother was. He woke up, answered but was shocked that mom was too fat. He screamed like a girl (again).

- Mom was in the bathroom cleaning up and I came over and knocked. I told her I needed to use the bathroom (using my dad’s voice). She believed at first however something gave it away and she recognized me. She opened the door and hugged her long haired fat baby.

- I went to Jaye's place and pretended to be the landlord. She opened the door and had no idea what was going on. She saw me and stood there with a blank stare. She cleared her eyes then tried to look at me again but I hugger her til she turned purple.

- Everything was just the way I left it. Well almost. We don't have Solar Sports, ETC or Basketball TV anymore. :-/ There's also an entire station for crime stories called "FoxCrime" which airs CSI, CSI: Miami, CSI: New York, CSI and ... more CSI. I wanted something less gorey and dramatic and all I found was this new channel called "Balls" which I was glad that it wasn't what I initially thought it was.

- Curious about how everyone reacted to my "new look"? I have an entire entry for that ;)

Chicago Short Stories

That’s got to be the gayest cement mixer truck I’ve ever seen. I won't be surprised if this was driven by two cowboys.

When you see something interesting, you know who to call. May, my Chinese friend from Chicago, IM’d me and told me Lake Michigan was frozen and that the ice was breaking up. She showed me a picture and it looked like the lake was full of floating broken glass. I went to the lake the next day and saw the melting ice but it wasn’t as dramatic as May’s pictures. Darn. Photography is about lighting, technique and a little bit of luck.

Déjà vu? Maika, my Filipino friend (who looks Chinese), called me and told me that the Chicago river was frozen. I grabbed my tripod and my camera and ran downstairs. While at the revolving doors, I ran into Norman and Byron and asked me what was going on. I told them “The river’s frozen! The river’s frozen!” as I blew past by them. Somehow they didn’t find it weird

You know what would be perfect? An “Arn” signal that works like the bat signal.

Nothing as simple yet as special as dinner with friends. It was Lei’s birthday and she treated us to Lawry’s Prime Rib restaurant. It was so good and the steaks were so tender. The place was also so posh and while our total bill cost an arm and a leg (actually, it costs 20 arms and 15 legs), Lei took care of the bill. Thanks Lei! I had fish and a bowl of peas for lunch the next day and my tummy was extremely disappointed after tasting lobster and prime rib the night before.

Lunch isn’t that bad as well. Mags and Jen asked me out for lunch over at Cheesecake Factory since they wanted a more personal farewell event. Awwww, so nice of them.

A “scouring pad” cake. Rache cooked me lunch while Lei baked me a sponge cake and it was her first stab at baking. The chicken with mangoes and cumin was good but the sponge cake was a bit tough and so I called it a scouring pad instead of a sponge cake. What a jerk… she goes through all the trouble of baking me a cake and I insult it…

What’s Going On? While taking pictures over at Millenium Park, a group of college students approached me with a video camera. They asked me to just say one line: “What’s going on?”. Immediately, I knew what this was for – they’re doing a music video like the one released back around 2000 where people would sing “What’s Going on?” from people of various gender, age, race, looks etc. That time I was carrying a camera bag and had my hair down and facial hair untouched for a week. I guess they needed a bum in the video.

A Pat on the Back. Work has been brutal and I’ve been working for eight straight months with no vacation. I worked through sprained ankles and various illnesses. The worst was when I collapsed and fainted in my apartment after work. I gained consciousness right away but I couldn’t move my legs. I remember reaching out my arms, grabbing my running shoe and using that as a pillow. Though I know how to pace myself in work, I always work until the wheels come off and unfortunately, a week before my assignment ended, the wheels came off… all the way off.

When you sit and stare outside the window and ask yourself what the hell I’m doing, you’re fine… you’re just stressed.

When you sit and stare outside the window and ask yourself who the hell you are… shut down the laptop dude, you need a break.

Look Before You Leap. Funny thing about this picture. While walking along Lake Michigan on my way to Target, I decided to setup the camera on a tripod and take a picture of myself here. With the camera set, I pressed the shutter release and the timer started. I ran towards the edge and jumped. While in mid air, I suddenly thought if this was actually pavement covered in snow or if it’s already the river – iced up and covered in snow. Because of this last minute thoughts, my form was wrong and I landed on my butt. The answer? It was pavement (whew!). I stood back up quickly and posed.

Sum up work in a picture.

My last "suppper" from my previous apartment:

The Arn Quiz!

1. Arn went to Foot Locker to buy an extra pair of shoelaces. He ended up…
a) Spending more
b) With new shoes
c) Still with no extra shoelaces
d) All of the above

2. Arn accidentally put what in his coffee?
a) Black pepper
b) No really, black pepper.

Answer to #1: D. I got myself an Air Max 180 running shoe.

3. Arn tried to steam fish. After 30 minutes, the fish was still raw. Why?
a) He forgot to turn on the heat.
b) He forgot to put water.
c) He forgot to put the fish.
d) Because he puts pepper in his coffee.

Answer to #2: A. Don’t ask.

4. Arn saw a “typical Arn movie that only Arn would love”. What was it?
a) “Cloverfield”
b) “Meet the Spartans”
c) “Rambo”
d) “Definitely, Maybe”

Answer to #3: B. At least it’s not C right?

5. After his treadmill routine at the gym, Arn cooled down by
a) Walking for 5 minutes
b) Sitting down and watching TV
c) Dancing that Totoy Mola macho dancer dance
d) No matter what I write here, I know you’re still trying to visualize the previous item (eeewww)

Answer to #4: B.

6. Arn stopped what he was doing in #5 because
a) Another person entered the gym
b) Arn didn’t see this person enter the gym
c) This other person probably thinks it’s a “cultural” thing.
d) All of the above.

Answer to #5: C.

7. During Xbox 360 night, Rache, Lei and Jen discovered that:
a) Arn used to play Dance Revo all day.
b) Their floors are extremely strong to take this kind of beating.
c) A fat guy dancing Jungle Boogie is extremely funny.
d) All of the Above

Answer to #6: D.

8. During karaoke night, all the onshore people heard
a) Arn’s voice crack and croak when he sang “Balisong” by Rivermaya
b) What should only be heard by Arn in his shower.
c) Something horrible
d) All of the Above

Answer to #7: D.

9. During lunch time while at work, Arn went down to the office lobby then went outside. It was -12c and people were looking at him. He went back up because he forgot his:
a) jacket
b) brain
c) common sense
d) All of the above

Answer to #8: D.

10. One morning, Arn messed up his garlic rice by
a) Burning the garlic
b) All of the above

Answer to #9: D.

11. Arn was at the treadmill and people were looking at him. Why?
a) He was skipping
b) Who the hell skips on a treadmill?

Answer to #10: A.

12. Arn was supposed to pick up Maika so they both can go to the office together. Arn…
a) Forgot to pick up Maika and went to the office alone.
b) Made Maika wait
c) Sorry Maika

Answer to #11: A.

More Gym Stories

I’m becoming more of a gym rat lately. I’m happy though that I haven’t seen any of the “gym characters” I wrote about before.

After my usual cycle + treadmill routine, I decided to do some free weights. It’s been a long time since I last used dumbbells so I picked up two 10-pounders, faced the mirror and did some bicep curls with small grunts (for effect).

There’s this huge muscular guy beside me wearing a tank top and he was curling 40-pounders… easily.

He was smiling as if there was a camera behind the mirror. I was frowning because I was having a hard time lifting these stupid things and my left arm started to hurt.

I stopped, looked at him and said “We look like that before-after ad for Hydroxycut!” (Hydroxycut is a weight loss pill by the way). He stopped, dropped the 40 pound weights into the mat, went down on his knees and started snickering while feeling and stretching his bicep. I think he hurt himself but he was still laughing.

He stood back up and tried to lift again. He glanced at me but he started chuckling again. I wasn’t even doing anything. He went to the treadmill instead. I think he’s ticked off because he couldn’t continue his lifting.

Oh great, just what I need… a big hulking guy who wants to put me through the wall. At least he had a sense of humor.

Arn Goes to the North Pole

Sorta…

I opened the window from my apartment and it felt like hell just froze over. The streets were white and there were no people outside. It was like in the movie “The Day After Tomorrow” except that the plot made more sense.

It was -18 C, which is literally freezer temperature. (By the way, the average fridge temperature is 5 C while freezers are -17 C). But wait, wind chill was -27.2 C… wind chill is basically the real temperature outside. It’s the adjusted temperature after factoring in the intensity of the wind. No idea what I’m talking about? Open your freezer and put your hand inside, cold isn’t it? Now put your hand in, put a fan inside and set it to max. You can’t feel your hand? Good, I made my point.

I think the weather froze my brain as well since a few minutes later, I was outside with my heaviest winter gear -> complete thermals, 2 pairs of socks, 2 shirts, fleece jacket then my outdoor jacket, gloves and a bonnet. I had my camera so I can go picture taking.

You read right… picture taking

Hey, I’m a Filipino. Filipinos go picture taking whenever, wherever, however they want.

As soon as I stepped outside my cheeks felt like they were being pricked by needles and my eyes were all watery. I walked all the way to the bridge… where the wind was strongest.

The river was smoking.

I walked further and took a picture of the Wacker Drive clock then I walked downstairs to get a closer look at the river.

Poor pigeons. The one in the lower right actually walked towards me. I checked my pockets and I had nothing but my apartment keys and a Snickers bar. (Who walks around with a slice of bread in his pocket anyway?)

I went back up to the street but then I couldn’t feel my nose anymore and my cheeks felt like they were peeling off. The cold was also going through my bonnet and my gloves which are now freezing my hands and ears. I feel the cold creeping through my shoes and freezing my shins and my calf. Uh oh. While I’m known to have an extremely high tolerance to the cold, this was just too much as I ran back home. This weather is more fit for polar bears and penguins.

Side Note

Thanks to everyone who reached out to me after reading my previous entry - to everyone who commented and gave their own “oks lang yan dude!” pat on the back. For me, posting that feels like one big monkey off my back as finally I can laugh this off.

Comedy equals Tragedy plus Time

my so called music career

We had this party over at 1000 N La Salle and we were playing Rockband. Someone was already holding the lead guitar, the bass guitar and the drums. The mic was just laying on the floor.

Someone picked up the mic and gave it to me since I was the person nearest to the mic who wasn’t eating.

I had the strangest feeling of Déjà vu and my mind went blank for a minute.

Let’s flashback to 2001, when Arn was still Arnold, when he sported a bald look and when he was still of great physique.

It was our friend’s party and we decided to form a temporary band and play her favorite songs. One played the guitar since he had guitar lessons back in grade school. One played the drums since his brother had a set and one played bass since he thought it was really cool. I had no idea how to play any of the instruments and so guess who got the mic.

It was my childhood dream to play for a band especially since I grew up loving alternative and grunge music, mostly Nirvana and Guns N Roses

We practiced for weeks, memorizing chords, beats and we played well during the party. We had so much fun that we decided to play on. We held bi-monthly practices, took individual trainings and played in our other friends’ parties. We released an “album” which sold 8 copies. The band was named “The Arnold Band” which started as a joke until it stuck.

Life was happy. Despite all the usual college challenges, band life for me was extremely happy and satisfying. For me, I started out my site and named it ArnoldRocks to chronicle my band life, our gigs and any bit of news.

After a few years, we decided to take it to the next step and play semi-professionally (semi since it was still an on a side thing and we played more for experience than for money). We changed the name of the band. We played in small unknown places near Paranaque for free as opening acts. It was great, but something was off. Something was wrong and yet no one in the band minded, except for me. One day we had an audition and some talent manager pointed out our problem. That same problem we all knew but refused to talk about. Our lead guitarist was already great since day one. Our drummer received lessons from his older brother and was fast developing. Our bassist has shown steady improvement throughout those months. The spotlight was on the lead singer.

He sucked.

He was fat.

He didn’t have any stage presence.

He wasn’t talented and wasn’t even good looking.

The band was held back by this guy. I stood there quietly as I heard more and more criticisms but I wasn’t listening anymore. I just remember nodding and giving out fake smiles and laughs. See, I knew about this after our first few practices. While they all grew into great musicians, I was showing no improvements. I had little practice. I couldn’t afford voice lessons. By the time I did, it didn’t matter anymore.

It wasn’t my personal failure that really hurt. It was the thought that I let my friends down that felt excruciating.

After that audition, we went to our old practice room but no one sang anymore. I was outside, smoking near a drainage ditch. They were my band mates, but as agreed since we first formed, we were friends first, band mates second, businessmen third. They defended me and told me the band will only have me as the front man. I was too hurt and ashamed to go on. I left the band against their wishes.

To quote a phrase from my journal entry at that time: “No one must walk away from their childhood dream. No one.”

Years passed and the band eventually got their new singer but eventually disbanded once they graduated from college.


Head back to 2008 when “Arnold” evolved into “Arn”, grew even fatter and now sports a menacing long hair and goatee. Imagine the feeling of holding a mic again, with your drummer behind you, lead guitarist to your right and bassist on the left. I know Rockband was just a game but it sure opened old wounds.

It took a minute before that blank stare on my face turned into a big smile

Things change. Time heals all wounds. I’ve already accepted what happened to my so called music career. It didn’t matter to me anymore that people used to boo me for having a singing voice like a drowning cat. I still have my greatest fan. I sing for her and my songs make her smile. She told me she listens to the songs I recorded for her and how it made her happy.

So maybe Jaye has an unusual interest for the sound of drowning cats. Who knows?

But for me, she was all that mattered.