The Pacquiao Fight Commentary

Finally I was able to catch a replay of the Marquez – Pacquiao fight last weekend. I was out with my family the first time it was aired and though we were able to watch bits and pieces of the fight, I wasn’t really able to observe (and I was more concentrated on finishing off the big plate of baked mussels I ordered). After watching the replay, for the sake of my friends who totally missed the fight, here’s my full analysis of the fight (and everything else):

Round 1 – With every Filipino expecting Marquez to fall down in the first round, Manny gets hit by a 1 – 2 punch square right into the jaw. Manny looked awful as he was hit hard in this round. Give it to Marquez for a 1-0 round lead.

Oh great, here comes the Manny ads. "Pag masakit ang massel at parang pinipilipit na tale, i-Alaxan mo lang!". Manny sure could use some right there.

Round 2 – Both Manny and Marquez landed solid blows and this round would have gone either way but in the final 10 seconds Manny gets hit by a three hit combination making him slightly losing his footing. Before he could counter the round ended and so the round clearly belonged to Marquez. Don’t you hate it when that happens? It's like meeting the perfect girl - pretty, smart, funny then you find out she likes girls too...

Funny thing about that CDO burger ad as they sing all the things you can do with a burger patty - burger steak, hawiian burger and adobo burger. They didn't even mention hamburger sandwiches. The test if you're truly pinoy? If you didn't get the joke and you found nothing wrong in this paragraph.

Round 3 – The commentators were obviously panicking after seeing Manny get pounded the first two pounds and get hit by combinations early in the 3rd round. Late in the round they both switch to Manny’s “away kalye” style and surprise surprise, Marquez gets hit and lands on his back. He gets up and he’s greeted by more punches. You should see his facial expression as he uses his face to block the punches.

I just love the way referee Ken Bayless counts. Hey, he just counts 1 to 10 but he puts emotions into it as if he’s shocked with his eyes wide open. Hey, if you see someone like that, wouldn’t you stand up right away?

End of the round and Marquez and Manny both walked towards the same corner. Does Marquez want to sit on Manny’s lap on the same stool? Happy round for Filipinos since the knockdown just put Manny back in the fight.

Round 4 – The commentators are now predicting that Manny will finish the fight in this round. For the 105th time they mentioned that Marquez is a counter puncher. Manny punches and he gets punched back. The round dragged on and there was nothing.

More and more and more ads... Filipino ads can be categorized into the following themes:

A) A pretty face tells you to use this product. They have lines but it doesn’t make any sense. Take that Samba Corned Beef ad for example. A pretty girl knocks on the door and tells the guys in the room the she brought her friends. They party and they eat corned beef. Look closely and in that party, everyone is holding a can of corned beef instead of beer. What will they use for shots? Knorr bouillon cubes?
B) A jingle or a song. Again it doesn’t have to make sense but it should be catchy. There must be dancing too with plenty of backup dancers. Remember old comedy movies where the ladies would get kidnapped, rescued then they would all dance in Luneta?
C) Attempted humor aimed for the early grade schoolers. They use puppets and ultra corny jokes.
D) The direct approach. “Use this”. Wala lang. Basta use it.
E) Utter nonsense ended by mentioning the product name. A couple couldn’t sleep and so the husband goes up to the roof to lie down. Suddenly it rains and his wife shows up with an umbrella and they kiss. “Boysen: shelters you well”. Ok where do I start?
a. If he was lying down and checking out the sky, wouldn’t he sense it will be raining soon?
b. It wasn’t the roof paint that sheltered you, it was the lady’s umbrella.
c. Rain doesn’t pour just like that.
d. When was the last time you woke up in the middle of the night and decided to sleep on the roof since it's more comfortable and relaxing there?

Round 5 – They say in this round, Manny switched to a “Counter the counter” technique. He punched Marquez but it was blocked. Marquez countered with a right hook to Manny's jaw. So he plans to counter the counter with… his teeth? Marquez gets this round and leads 3-2.

Hey whatever happened to Manny’s flame shorts?

Round 6 – Really? Ginebra San Miguel has been here since 1834? Manny starts up by just standing and blocking. The commentators explain that Manny doesn’t want to punch since Marquez will just counter it anyway. Marquez comes in and punches Manny on the left cheek. What a weird technique. That's like saying you don't need to take baths since you'll end up dirty again anyway. Marquez now leads 4-2 thanks to Manny’s wet paper towel defense.

Round 7 – Marquez gets hit by a head butt and starts to bleed. A few punches here and there but nothing really exciting. Marquez now leads 5-2.

My brother called me over and showed me Abalos’ hamburjer clip in youtube. Now THAT’s comedy.

Round 8 – Both fighters are bleeding. Marquez started by hitting Manny’s left eye until it was closed and with just one eye, Manny couldn’t defend himself. No surprise there, he was fighting as if both eyes were closed the past 4 rounds.

My brother came back from the kitchen with a bottle of “Cobra” energy drink. He says he saw it from an ad on TV. This guy drank it while shouting “COBRA!”. Funny how these ads work for Filipinos.

Ah they showed that Boysen “nagging wife” ad. Finally, a quality ad.

Round 9 – Marquez gets a HUGE cut on his right eyebrow. What did Manny do? Stuff his gloves with razor blades? There was still no defense from Manny but at least he inflicted enough damage to win this round. 6-3.

Round 10 – Pacquiao starts the round by charging him and raining him with punches just like what you see in basketball games in village leagues or in congress. It should be enough to give him this round 6-4.

Round 11 and 12 – Marquez looked tired in both rounds and so did Manny. Ok I'll be honest, I missed round 11 since I was busy looking for corned beef. There were no more techniques in the final round as it was now a drunken brawl. Punches were barely connecting and both fighters looked real silly. After hitting each other with counter punches all night, both would punch each other and immediately, both would cover their faces at the same time. The bell rang and automatically, you should act as if you won the fight. Manny tried to grab Marquez but Marquez ignored him. Manny just laughed.

The fight was over and Manny won split decision. Based on my scoring it should have been a tie but since Marquez was knocked down on the 3rd round, Manny gets an extra point and the win by an eyelash. Marquez claimed he was cheated (as always). When the fight was aired live, we were having a family lunch over at Dampa near Mall of Asia and when they announced Manny as the winner everyone just cheered and jumped. I even high fived this shirtless guy beside me who smelled like feet.

They showed more replays of Marquez falling down. Minutes later, everyone was quiet as they saw Manny suffering from a bad nosebleed. Was it from Marquez’s punches?

Nah.

They were interviewing Manny.

...in English.

Manny struggled through the questions and you can see the viewers feel the pressure and the pain of knowing perfectly what to say in Filipino but have no idea how to translate them directly in English. Poor Manny. Too much English gives you nosebleeds. Funny comment from the crowd during the interview: "KAYA MO YAN MANNY! YES KA LANG NG YES!"