Tiger Jokes

Tiger’s such an easy target and before long, a lot of these Tiger jokes are being circulated around.
If you’re not following the Tiger Woods story, here are the events in a nutshell:

#1: Tiger crashed his van just outside his driveway. He was knocked out and was saved by his wife by smashing the windows of his car and dragging him out. Tiger was not drunk or anything.

#2: Tiger was caught by his wife when she inspected his phone and saw an unidentified number. Eventually, his wife confirmed that Tiger was seeing someone else.

#3: At least 10 women suddenly announced that they too had an affair with Tiger Woods.
Gatorade and Accenture dropped Tiger from their sponsorship.

Rumor has it that #1 probably happened in a different order since Tiger’s version of the story didn’t make sense. They say, Tiger and his wife, Elin, were arguing, Tiger tries to drive off but Elin smashes the back of his car. Tiger looks back, loses control of his van and crashes into a hydrant. Makes more sense right

Anyways, here are a couple of Tiger jokes being passed around:

• Tiger crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide between a wood and an iron.


• What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a golf ball 400 yards.


• Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole-in-one.


• Tiger has a new movie coming out. It's called Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant.


• (from Stephen Colbert) Tiger always gives 110 percent. That is why he gave 100 percent to his wife and still had 10 percent left over for his alleged mistress."


• (from Conan O'Brien) One of the women who claims she slept with Tiger Woods says they never talked about golf while having sex. However, contractually Tiger was obligated to talk about Nike, Gatorade and American Express.


• Did you hear Tiger changed his name to Cheetah?


• The police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him. "I can't remember," Elin said, "just put me down for a 5."


• Ping has a new set of irons called Elins. They're clubs you can beat Tiger with.


• Tiger is now in trouble with his sponsor Gillette because he said that “this was the closest shave I have had yet.”


• Phil Mickelson contacted Tiger’s wife to pick up some tips on how to beat Tiger.


• Tiger crashed his car because he was in a rush to move on to the second hole.


• Someone should explain to Tiger’s wife that hitting a driver meant the club, not the guy in the front seat. Imagine what will happen the next time he asks his wife to do some ironing.


• Last Friday, Tiger Woods hit a tree and a bunch of ladies fell out


• Did you hear that Nike just dropped Tiger as a spokesperson…but Trojan is picking him up.


• All of Tiger’s troubles should be blamed on His fans. They keep edging Him on. Every time He hits the ball, some fan yells out “get in the ho”.


• Tiger Woods was sitting on Santa lap..Santa said HO HO HO..and tiger looked and said where where where

My personal jokes:
Q: Why did Tiger crash his vehicle?
A: He forgot the Earth’s rotation. (sorry, I think only ACN employees will get this)

Q: Why was there a massive spike in orders to Amber’s and Pizza Hut?
A: Tiger got rolled off.

We shouldn’t be surprised he was fired. That’s what you get for going on an indefinite leave.