Crabby Arn

We were having lunch at this seafood place one day. I already ate a stick of barbecue and some shrimp then my uncle placed a huge orange crab on my plate. It smelled great!

but how do I eat it?

I don’t know how to “himay” (hmm… dismantle?) a crab. I eat crabsticks and crab rangoons from Singha (Thai restaurant in Chicago) but I never learned to eat crabmeat straight from a crab mainly because (1) mom always took out the meat for me when I was a kid and (2) having crab in our house was more rare than me going to the gym.

(which is like saying... "never")

I took the crab and tried to break it in half. I know I’m supposed to break it at a certain spot but I didn’t know where. I tried splitting it open with my bare hands and it felt like my fingers were being sliced with a dull knife. The crab was still in one piece and now my fingers were swollen. I grabbed a metal thingie and smashed the crab shell open sending pieces of crab flying around the place. I rammed and rammed the crab like I was playing wack-a-mole. I was getting ticked off because the smell and the sauce were delicious but I couldn't get the meat inside. Watching me hammer the crab, poke it with a knife and shout at it was like watching a monkey open a coconut.

...or like watching the Incredible Hulk operate a cell phone.

RRROAAARRRR! Arnold MAD! *bam!* (hammers the crab) Arnold CRUSH crab! *bam!* (pierces crab with a knife)

Was I able to get the meat out? Yup. Was I able to eat it? Yes but it was irritating since I fine minced the shell into the meat. Now I can’t differentiate the meat from the shells add that to the fact that both the shell and the meat are white. Genius. I ended up ordering a big box of Hotshots from KFC on my way home.

No shell, no claws, no problem.