I’d rather call it “Transformers: The One That Doesn’t Have Megan Fox”.
It’s better than the second Transformers film (Revenge of the Fallen), but without Fox it couldn’t be better than the first one. Without Megan, the film lacked those unintentional comedy scenes where for some reason she either:
- Needs to take off her clothes to switch costumes DURING the film.
- Works on a motorbike or a car engine with the most unusual poses.
- Gets a lot of camera close ups… even if the conversation is not even about her.
I’ll place a spoiler alert here. If you haven’t watched the movie, I might mention some details about the ending below. Come to think of it, how can I really spoil the ending? We all know there will be robots fighting, the Decepticons will appear to have the upper hand and then (sarcastic shock) the Autobots regroup and kick their butts. It’s just a matter of knowing who gets killed off.
Short review: I liked the movie. It was action packed, had some new CG action scenes and I didn’t even realize that the movie run time was 255 minutes. The main battle scene was in downtown Chicago and so I enjoyed naming the buildings and the streets that I saw. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley (who we’ll probably call “the actress who replaced Megan Fox in Transformers” for the next couple of years) was terrible, the plot was just confusing but hey, it had enough action and quirky one-liners to make the movie watchable. I’d recommend this movie to anyone but do note that this has “Michael Bay” written all over it.
Rosie Hunting… who? She’s a Victoria Secret model. She’s British. She’s a Victoria Secret model. She has no acting resume. She’s a Victoria Secret model. She speaks with a heavy British accent. She did appear on that special Victoria Secret ad directed by Michael Bay (look that up in Youtube) but I wouldn’t really call that “acting”. Why did she get the role? Oh, right she’s a Victoria Secret model. In the first scene of the movie with Shia Labeouf, they were having a conversation, I’m guessing Michael Bay didn’t like the way she delivered her lines and just told her “You know what, just lose the pants.” and so she was in bed in her undies. Everyone’s happy.
I don’t get the character she played though (Carly Spencer). Obviously, they gave her some lines so she doesn’t end up modeling only in the background but what was she doing in the film other than for guys to drool at? It was amazing that her clothes never get dirty, her hair never gets messed up, she runs around the battle scenes in heels, she gets to have numerous wardrobe changes (like it would appear in a VS catalog next week) but other than that, it felt like they had to force her to be in the plot which was already confusing in the first place.
By the way, if you’re a Transformers fan from way back, yes Carly Spencer eventually became Carly Witwicky and they had a son named Daniel. Sam Witwicky is actually “Spike” Witwicky but they changed it in the film to make it more appealing to the target audience.
The plot made no sense especially for the Chicago battle scenes. Yes, there was an overall story, an objective and a plan but the scenes felt like it was cut and pasted together. The Decepticons have arrived and are scattered around the Globe. The Autobots were sneaking into Chicago, then a separate group of humans (with Tyrese, who sadly didn’t have a memorable one-liner) went up this building to shoot the control pillar. Then the Autobots were now under fire and was shooting it out with the Decepticons. Then the building comes down and Prime saves them. Then Prime gets tangled on some wires. Then the Autobots are now hiding again. More soldiers arrive and they fly on wingsuits around Chicago. Where’s Megatron and why was he wearing a cloak? Then the Autobots are now captives and the Decepticons kill off one. Prime is still tangled, apparently. The humans with supersniping abilities shoot off the Decepticons’ eyes. They get Prime off the wires. A Decepticon transport ship crashes and the Autobots fight back. There’s another battle scene with Optimus Prime, Sentinel Prime and Megatron. Rosie Hunton… Rosie Hunter… the Victoria Secret chick is now somehow talking to Megatron. Shots fire, robots transform back and forth (I lost track on who was who since they all looked the same). Megatron is dead. Sam and the Victoria Secret chick kiss. End scene, fade to black and roll the credits.
Eh?
So… was the war over?
What happened to the other Decepticons?
Did Michael Bay run out of funds to end the movie?
Why do some of the Autobots have Scottish accents?
The way it ended, does it mean there’s no more Transformers 4?
On the plus side, I loved the characters played by John Malkovich (Sam’s boss) and Ken Jeong (Jerry Wang). John Torturro had some funny moments (“That means goodbye!”). Shia was Shia, kept his place between a geek and a jock. Sam Witwicky’s parents were also there but…. again… why?
The action scenes were just mesmerizing especially the one with the car chase and Bumblebee had to eject Sam, transform, transform back then retrieve Sam in one sequence.
After the movie, we waited for the credits to end and… nothing. There was just an ad for a free consultation at a nearby psychiatrist’s office. Darn, I just waited 10 minutes of my life.
It was a good movie overall. Will I buy the Blu-Ray when it comes out? Hmmm, maybe when it goes on sale. Will I buy the video game? Probably not. When it comes out on HBO though, I’ll clear my schedule and watch the movie with a bag of chips. Once.
… or maybe twice. It was THAT good.
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